


Better Brush Up On Your Acting Skills, Ann!

by Yelir61



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Bodyswap, Misunderstandings, Multi, Species Swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 33,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yelir61/pseuds/Yelir61
Summary: The Phantom Thieves get hit with a very strange attack.
Relationships: Kitagawa Yusuke/Sakura Futaba, Kurusu Akira/Niijima Makoto, Sakamoto Ryuji/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 95
Kudos: 335





	1. Chapter 1

Joker opened his eyes slowly. “Ow,” he said faintly, sitting up, before freezing in shock.

One, because he didn’t remember his voice sounding so feminine.

Two, because there was an unfamiliar weight on his chest.

And three, sitting in front of him was himself, looking at him with a horrified expression.

“Oh. Well, that’s not good,” Joker said faintly.

“Joker? Is that you?” The Joker in front of him asked urgently.

He nodded, before glancing down at himself. Aside from the presence of breasts, the most notable feature of his (her?) new body was the dark skintight suit he wore. He looked up again. “Queen?” he asked hesitantly. Makoto’s voice sounded strange coming out of his mouth. Was this how she normally sounded to herself?

Queen nodded quickly. “Yes, it’s me. Oracle says that we were all hit with a strange attack. At least, I think it’s Oracle.”

Joker took a moment to process this, before pushing herself to her feet. She stretched, and heard her body snap in several places. “You’re too stiff,” she said thoughtfully, examining herself. “It’s not good for you. You should stretch more, and try to be less tense.”

“That’s your concern right now?” Queen asked incredulously, rising to his feet. He was, Joker noted with disapproval, holding himself much more rigidly than Joker ever did.

Joker shrugged. “Just something I noticed. Where are the others?”

“Ow! Fuck, how do you use this thing?” Panther’s voice complained. It sounded as though it was coming from around the corner. There was the sound of a whip cracking and Panther yelped. “Shit! I keep hitting myself.”

“Stop that!” Skull barked. “I swear, if you give me a scar, I’ll kill you!”

“They’re finishing off the Shadow that attacked us,” Queen said worriedly, peering down the dark tunnel. “You...or I guess I...got knocked out. So I carried you out of the way.”

“My, how dashing!” Joker cooed, doing her best to bat her eyes. Queen shot her a glare, before returning his attention to the tunnel. Joker smiled. “Seriously, though. Thanks.”

The two waited until the sounds of battle died away, and a familiar group approached them from out of the gloom. “Are you two okay?” Skull asked worriedly, hurrying towards them. “Do you guys need healing?”

“Aside from what’s happened to our bodies, I’m fine,” Queen said, glancing at Joker.

“I’m alright,” Joker confirmed. “What about you guys?”

“I’m okay. Don’t think the whip left any marks; it just hurt like shit,” Panther said, hissing and rubbing her thigh. “Seriously, this weapon is the worst.”

“Stop touching me, you perv!” Skull complained.

“Relax, I ain’t thinking anything weird!”

“I take it you two have switched,” Queen said dryly.

Panther nodded. “Yep. Skull here. And I’m pretty sure that’s Panther.”

“Yeah, it’s me,” the blonde boy said reluctantly. “God, this is weird! What kind of Shadow was that?”

“Dunno. Readings were totally different from anything I’ve seen before,” Fox said worriedly. “Oh. This is Oracle, by the way.”

“What a marvelous opportunity!” ‘Oracle’ said with wonder, slowly spinning in place. “The chance to walk in another’s shoes, to see things from a truly fresh perspective...I need my sketchbook. Who knows what I may be able to produce?”

“Inari!” Oracle said warningly. “You better not hook up with anybody with my body. No flirting allowed, got it?”

Fox recoiled at the accusation. “What? Don't be ridiculous! Why on earth would I do such a thing?”

“It’s a standard plot,” Oracle said dismissively. “All guys that turn into girls get curious about what sex is like as a girl.”

“What? Hell no!” Skull said angrily. “Like hell do I wanna have sex like this!”

“You better not!” Panther said warningly.

“I don’t! I just wanna switch back.”

“You’re not even a little curious?” Joker asked thoughtfully. The others eyed her uneasily. “What?” she said defensively. “You guys have really never thought about it?”

“Sex for guys seems like it sucks,” Oracle said, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t it be over way too quickly?”

“We’re not talking about this,” Queen said firmly, his cheeks slightly red. “Where are Noir and Mona?”

As if on cue, the van appeared around the corner, heading for them. It pulled up next to the group, the doors opening with a creak. “Is everyone okay?” Noir asked worriedly from the driver’s seat.

“Physically, we all seem to be alright,” Queen said reassuringly. “But we should probably go back to the surface.”

Joker shook her head. “No, we still have two more targets. We should see about taking care of them first.”

“Joker, we’re in no condition to fight,” Queen said sternly.

“Yeah, man. I mean, I can’t even use Pather’s weapon,” Skull said worriedly.

Joker sighed. “Skull, hand Panther the whip.”

Skull frowned, but did as she asked, taking her pipe in exchange.

“Panther,” Joker prompted him, gesturing to the whip.

Panther cracked the whip a few times. “Yeah, it seems fine,” he said after a moment. “No problems here.”

“And we can use our Personas like normal,” Oracle chimed in. “No problems there.”

“Still, I think we should stop for now,” Queen insisted. “If for no other reason, we should figure out if this goes away once we leave Mementos.”

Joker considered this for a moment. “You’re right,” she finally said with a sigh. “Okay, everybody in.”

Everyone filed into the van, with Fox eagerly grabbing her sketchbook and beginning to draw. Noir remained in the driver’s seat, and pulled away once everyone was sitting.

Queen studied her curiously. “I didn’t know you could drive, Noir,” he said slowly.

Noir glanced at him nervously. “Oh, I can’t officially! I don’t have a license. I just...picked it up, I guess.”

“Right,” Queen said, unconvinced. “Don’t you have a personal driver who takes you everywhere?”

“Well...yes,” Noir said slowly. “But that doesn’t mean I’ve never driven!”

Joker nodded slowly. “How are you doing, Mona?” she asked, patting the dashboard. “Engine running fine?”

“Oh yes! Thank you for asking!” Mona said cheerily. Noir winced, but kept her eyes on the road.

“No trouble turning a car?”

“Not at all! It was actually pretty easy!”

“Even though it was your first time?”

“Yes! Even though-” Mona stopped. “Oh, shoot.”

Joker sighed, before returning her attention to Noir. “Mona. Why are you pretending to be Noir?”

Mona leaned over the wheel and groaned.

“I’m sorry, Mona-chan!” Noir said apologetically.

“It’s fine,” she said dully. “I just wanted a chance to experience life as a human for a bit! So I just asked Noir to play along.”

“You shoulda said something!” Skull said angrily. “What if you guys got stuck like this? Were you gonna make her be a cat forever?”

“I am not a cat!” Mona protested.

“Being a cat could be interesting,” Noir said slowly. “Honestly, just being a car is kind of exciting!”

“Seriously?” Skull asked in disbelief.

* * *

Akira watched Queen’s outfit fade away, to be replaced by Makoto’s street clothes. “Well, that didn’t work,” she said, reaching to adjust her non-existent glasses.

“Oh God. Oh God,” Ann said in a panicked voice. “What are we going to do? What am I going to do? I have a photoshoot tomorrow!”

“You mean Ryuji has a photoshoot tomorrow,” Futaba said wickedly.

Ryuji jerked. “What? Fuck that!” she barked. “I’ll just say I’m sick or something.”

“Really? You don’t think you’d be a good model?” Futaba asked mirthfully. “I bet Inari was looking forward to asking you! Right, Inari?” She turned, only to find that Yusuke was gone. “Inari?”

“There she is!” Makoto said urgently, pointing across the street. The group hurried to cross and catch up with Yusuke, who was chatting happily with two older men. “Who are you?” Makoto asked them roughly.

Yusuke brightened upon seeing them. “Oh! My apologies for leaving so abruptly, but I’ve just had a stroke of good fortune! These two gentlemen have expressed interest in my participation in a photographic art project! They’ve even offered to buy me dinner.”

“You idiot!” Futaba angrily. “Don’t you know what this is?”

“Oh! I didn’t know you had friends,” one of the men said, smiling at Morgana, Ryuji, and Akira. “We could certainly find an opening for you three ladies. The work is easy, and the pay is very good.”

“No way!” Morgana declared.

“Hell no!” Ryuji said angrily.

“How much?” Akira inquired.

Makoto punched her in the side. “We’re not interested,” he said curtly, dragging Akira away. Futaba did the same with a protesting Yusuke.

After they’d gotten a few blocks away, Makoto released Akira’s arm. “So forceful!” she complained, rubbing her side. “You’re lucky no one got the wrong idea, seeing a delinquent forcing a female honor student down an alley.”

“Serves you right if any rumors get started,” Makoto muttered darkly.

Akira tisked. “Careful, now. We don’t know how long this could last. You might be the one who has to deal with those rumors.”

“Can’t you pretend to take this seriously?” Makoto asked in exasperation. “This is a major problem!”

Akira’s smug grin dissolved. “I know,” she said more seriously. “I’m sorry that I upset you. Making jokes is how I deal with stress.”

Makoto sighed. “I know. It’s just...I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. Having a different body, a different life...and having someone else running around looking like me. It’s a lot to take in.”

“At least Akira was joking about doing porn with your body!” Futaba said angrily. “Inari was actually going to do it!”

“I told you, once the nature of the photoshoot became clear to me, I would have declined,” Yusuke argued. “Hopefully after dinner.”

“And when would you have figured it out? When you saw the photos online?” Futaba snapped.

“You do have to be more careful as a girl, Yusuke,” Ann said diplomatically. “Guys like that prey on naive girls. If you're not careful, it’s really easy to end up in a bad situation.”

Yusuke considered this for a moment. “I take your point,” she said reluctantly. “Very well. I shall be especially cautious so long as I continue to wear Futaba’s face.”

“Gah! Don’t say it like that!” Futaba said, gagging. “You make it sound like you’re an alien that turned my body into a skinsuit.”

“So, what are we supposed to do now?” Ryuji asked cautiously.

Makoto sighed. “It’s getting late. I don’t think we have any choice but to go home as each other, and meet up tomorrow to talk about this.”

“You better not shower while in my body!” Ann said angrily.

“I’m not gonna! Jeez,” Ryuji said irritably. “I don’t care if you smell.”

“That goes for you too,” Futaba said sternly to Yusuke.

Makoto turned to Akira, who raised a hand. “I don’t normally shower at night anyways,” she said reassuringly.

“Being a gentleman, I won’t do anything, of course,” Morgana said proudly.

Haru tilted his head. “Oh. Actually, I was hoping that you would shower for me. I don’t like to be dirty when I’m not gardening.”

“What?” Morgana and Ryuji said simultaneously.

“I trust Mona-chan,” Haru said placidly.

“Wow. Being a human is great!” Morgana said enthusiastically.


	2. Chapter 2

Makoto stood outside the coffee shop, and took a deep breath. As soon as he entered, he’d have to play the part of Akira perfectly. They couldn’t possibly tell Boss what had really happened. But how did Akira and Boss interact when they were alone? The older man had always seemed perfectly friendly to him, but it wasn’t as though they’d spent any time alone together. His instincts, finely tuned for detecting his sister’s moods, were useless here.

“Makoto?” Haru asked curiously. Makoto jumped at hearing a voice so close to his ear. “Is everything alright?” Haru was riding in Akira’s bag as Morgana usually did. He’d mostly been quiet on the way to Leblanc, though, so Makoto had almost forgotten he was there.

“Everything’s fine!” Makoto insisted, still wincing internally at hearing Akira’s voice come out of his mouth. He quickly pushed the door open before he lost his nerve.

Sojiro was behind the counter, doing a crossword. He looked up as Makoto came in. “Ah, you’re back. You out with Futaba?”

“Ah, yes,” Makoto said nervously. He’d walked Yusuke home and told her to hole up in Futaba’s room. Hopefully, that was close enough to Futaba’s normal behavior that Sojiro wouldn’t worry. “She’s at home.”

Sojiro hummed thoughtfully. “Well, then I better get going. Close up shop, will you?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just exiting the store.

Makoto didn’t slump into a booth in relief, but he certainly felt like doing so. “I think that went as well as can be expected.”

“I agree,” Haru said cheerfully. “Would you mind letting me out?”

Makoto unshouldered Akira’s bag, letting Haru jump out. He looked around with interest. “Wow! Everything looks so different from this angle!” he marveled.

“How are you feeling?” Makoto asked with concern. “I’ve been so caught up with my own situation, I wasn’t thinking about how disorienting this must be for you.”

“Oh, I’m fine!” Haru said dismissively. “Being a cat is actually a lot of fun!”

“Fun?” Makoto asked skeptically.

Haru nodded eagerly. “Uh-huh! I feel so...energetic! Like a coiled spring! Watch this!” He leapt from the floor to a table. “Did you see how far I jumped?” he said excitedly.

Makoto nodded, amused. “I certainly did. Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

* * *

Akira glanced around Makoto’s apartment curiously. “Fancy,” she remarked to no one in particular, before flopping down on one of the couches. Getting in hadn’t been too much of a problem; she’d just nodded to the doorman as if she did this every day and he’d hurried to open the door. After that, it’d just been a matter of following Makoto’s instructions as to the right floor and apartment number. Sae had already texted her sister that she wouldn’t be coming home tonight, so that was one obstacle that she wouldn’t have to deal with. At least, for tonight. Depending how long this lasted....

Akira sighed, sitting up and shaking her head. No, no use thinking that far ahead. One day at a time; that was the way to get through this strange situation. She got up and checked the fridge and rejoiced when she saw the leftovers, carefully labeled in tupperware containers. It’d be nice to eat something that wasn’t curry or a Big Bang Burger.

* * *

Ryuji cursed to herself, banging her forehead on the bathroom mirror. Ann didn’t want her messing with his body. She got that, she respected that. So, no shower, no changing clothes. Cool. But how was she supposed to go to the bathroom?

They really should have thought of this. It wasn’t like any of them could just...not pee. Not for a whole day! But to do it, she’d need to remove Ann’s pants. Ann’s underwear. While she was the one wearing them. This was supremely weird.

Okay, best way to do this was not to think about it. One quick motion, like ripping off a band-aid. Except band-aids weren’t so tight, and didn’t have so many buttons. God, how the hell did Ann get into these pants in the first place?

No, don’t think about Ann pulling on a pair of tight pants. That was exactly the sort of thing she shouldn’t be thinking about. Think about something else. Like…

Wait. How was Ann handling this situation? If he needed to go to the bathroom, did that mean he’d see...Ryuji’s…

Oh God. No, don’t think about that either. Absolutely no thinking about Ann gripping his dick. Her dick. Whatever.

How the hell was Haru handling this situation, anyways? Did Morgana usually use a litter box? Or did he use a toilet like a person? Ryuji was pretty sure she’d seen a video of a cat who could use a toilet. She pulled out Ann’s phone to look it up, before realizing that Ann hadn’t told her the password.

* * *

Yusuke let out a huff of disappointment. She’d been looking forward to trying out Futaba’s drawing tablet; she’d never had the opportunity to use one before. However, it seemed she’d need to use Futaba’s computer to access it, and Futaba had stubbornly refused to give her the password before they parted. Apparently, he was afraid that she would manage to destroy it in the short time she had access to it.

Yusuke shook her head, her long hair falling into her face yet again. She’d just have to find another activity to entertain herself with. Spotting her cellphone sitting where she had placed it after entering the room, she was struck by inspiration.

* * *

Futaba stared dully up at the ceiling. “Why?” she moaned, rolling from side to side on the floor. Why on earth didn’t Inari have a computer? What century was this weirdo from, anyways?

His...or rather, Yusuke’s phone buzzed. Futaba picked it up gingerly, as one would an antique, before flipping it open.

It was from Yusuke. _What do you think of this position?_ the message read. Before Futaba could even react, a picture appeared. It was of her body, striking a strange pose, dressed only in her underwear.

His face red, Futaba quickly texted back. _What are you doing? Why are you in my underwear?_

_I thought I should obtain you permission before I used your body to model nude._

_You don’t have it! I meant why are you modeling at all?_

_I thought this was an ideal opportunity to get some reference photos of the female form. Your body type is quite different then most of the models available at Kosei. And seeing my own body language expressed in your form is fascinating._

_I don’t care how “fascinating” it is! Put my clothes back on! Would you be fine with me running around in your underwear?_

_I have no real objections, so long as you do not leave my dorm room in such a state of undress. I have already been chided for doing so several times._

Futaba growled. “Stupid Inari,” he muttered, getting undressed. “I’ll show him!” He held up Yusuke’s phone to the mirror, before freezing. His body or not, he was still looking at Yusuke in just his underwear. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “It’s fine,” he insisted to himself. “It’s fine! You’ve seen way more graphic stuff then this online before.” True, he hadn’t known any of those people personally, but how much of a difference did that really make? With shaking hands, he snapped a few pictures, sending Yusuke the least blurry one.

_There! Still feel fine about me being almost naked in your body?_

_I’m afraid this isn’t a very good picture. My body appears to be off-center, and the camera quality is evidently quite low._

_I’m not asking for a critique! And anyways, it’s your fault for having such an ancient phone!_

_It is an interesting piece, nevertheless. Receiving an erotic photo of myself is strangely titillating._

Futaba’s eyes widened, before she began texting furiously. _That wasn’t an erotic photo! It was blackmail, to get you to delete the picture you took!_

_Which one?_

_The one you took in my body, of course!_

_Yes, but which one? I have taken several. The only one I sent you was the one I was most uncertain about. The rest turned out splendidly!_

Futaba thumped his forehead with the phone. He was going to kill Inari once they had their own bodies back! _Delete them all!_

 _As you wish. It is your body, after all._ A few moments later, Futaba got another text. _Apologies, but I seem to be having some trouble with your phone. I tried to save the photo you sent me, but I seem to have accidentally set it as your cell background. Do you have any notion as to how I could fix this?_

“Inari!” Futaba growled.

* * *

Morgana yelped, feeling the cold water hit her back, and danced out of the shower. What the heck was that? People actually enjoyed this sort of thing? The way she’d heard Akira speak glowingly of private showers in the past, she’d thought this would be a treat. Instead, it was like standing in the rain with no bag or fur to protect her. What was so great about that?

Morgana sighed. She couldn’t just skip it, though. Haru has asked that she make sure that she was clean and presentable tomorrow. She’d just have to grit her teeth and do it. Reluctantly, she stepped back into the shower.

Oh! It was warmer now. She guessed the water didn’t necessarily come out hot as soon as you turned it on; you had to wait for a few minutes. Now that the water wasn’t freezing, this was actually kind of nice. Morgana absently licked her upper arm, before scrunching up her face. Oh, right. No fur. Soap and washcloth; that’s how she had to do this. She stepped out of the shower again to grab the fish-shaped soap bar from beside the sink, and one of the small towels hanging on a rack. This was probably the way humans normally cleaned themselves.

* * *

“Ryuji? Are you feeling alright?” Ryuji’s mom asked Ann with some concern.

Ann looked up from his noodles nervously. “Oh! Yeah, sorry! Just thinking.” He wasn’t used to eating dinner with someone else in the house.

Ryuji’s mom gave him a small frown. “Anything you want to talk about? People at school been giving you trouble?”

“Nah, nothing like that,” Ann said, doing his best to sound like Ryuji. “Just...got a test coming up.”

“Ah. Well, I know you’ll do your best,” she said reassuringly. “Is it English? You could ask Ann for help…”

“Uh. Yeah, I think I will,” Ann said uncertainly. “Maybe do a study session tomorrow.”

This was evidently the wrong thing to say. “A...study session?” Ryuji’s mom asked skeptically.

“Uh. Yeah, you know. Just...make some flash cards together, or whatever,” Ann said, biting her lip. Was it really that uncharacteristic of Ryuji to suggest studying?

Ryuji’s mom studied him for a moment, before smiling slightly. “Well, enjoy your ‘study session’ with Ann,” she said lightly. “Just be safe, alright?”

“What?” Ann asked, confused, before going pale. “Oh! No, we’re not-not like that!”

“Honey, I don’t care what you do on a date,” she said soothingly. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed! As long as you use protection.” She paused. “You...have been using protection, right?”

“No!” Ann said frantically. “I mean, we would use protection if we were doing...something. But we haven’t done anything!”

“That’s fine!” she said, holding up her hands. “No need to give me the details! Just remember, the condoms are under the sink once you’re ready.”

Ann groaned. This was not a conversation he wanted to be having. “Mom. Ann and I are going to a study session at Leblanc. With all our friends, alright? It’s not a date.”

His mom nodded, seeming satisfied. “Well, alright then! You know, I am really proud of you. I can tell how much you’ve grown this year. I hope your studying goes well.”

Despite herself, Ann smiled shyly. It was weird being praised like this, even if the praise wasn’t really directed at him. Most of the praise he got had to do with his looks. “Thanks Mom.”

“And be sure to say hi to Ann for me,” she said with a wink. Ann groaned again as Ryuji’s mother got up from the table.


	3. Chapter 3

_Are you awake, Akira?_

_No, Makoto. I’m still asleep._

_I am sorry if I woke you._

_It’s alright. I assume you want a status report?_

_Nothing so formal. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright._

_Things are fine here. Sae didn’t come home, just like you said. Helped myself to some leftovers for dinner. Hope you don’t mind._

_Not at all. I actually had some of your leftovers as well._

_...I don’t remember having any leftovers._

_The covered plate of curry in the back of the fridge? It had your name on it, so I thought it would be safe to eat…_

_Oh God. Makoto, that was like a month old!_

_I see. That explains the terrible taste, then. I had wondered if your body simply tasted food differently than mine._

_No, that would be the mold. Why did you eat it?_

_I was hungry! And the rest of the food in the fridge seemed to be for the restaurant. Why on earth were you keeping spoiled food in the fridge?_

_I just hadn’t gotten around to throwing it out yet._

_That’s unsanitary._

_So is eating month-old curry! Please don’t poison my body._

_What do you normally eat for dinner?_

_I usually go out._

_After visiting Mementos? Aren’t you exhausted afterwards? I feel as though I can barely move._

_I just call Becky when I get home._

_...Who’s Becky?_

_A private maid. She comes and gives me a massage. I always have plenty of energy afterwards._

_Oh. This is a joke, isn’t it?_

_No, really! She’s really good at it._

_You, a high school student, regularly use a maid service to get a woman to give you a massage._

_When you say it like that, you make it sound so sleazy..._

_What part of this isn’t sleazy!?_

_It’s not a “happy ending” kind of massage. Becky is just a really good masseuse._

_How much does a maid service even cost?_

_Well, it used to cost me ¥5,000. But now I just contact Becky directly, and she does it for free._

_I find that difficult to believe._

_It’s true! She sometimes makes me dinner and does my laundry too._

_Why would a sex worker do favors for you for free?_

_Becky isn’t a sex worker! She’s quitting the maid service, anyways._

_The question remains as to why she would do all this for you._

_Gratitude, I guess. I did support her financially. And we helped her escape the situation that led to her having to work as a maid._

_“We”, meaning the Phantom Thieves, you mean?_

_Yes._

_I don’t remember helping anyone named Becky._

_Well, that’s her “work name”._

_And you told her you were a phantom thief?_

_I didn’t tell her, she guessed!_

_So, let me see if I understand the situation correctly. Not only have you been using a maid service (while in high school!), one of the maids regularly comes to Leblanc at night and knows that you are a member of the Phantom Thieves._

_Yep._

_And...you think that this situation is okay?_

_Do I detect a hint of jealousy?_

_Jealousy? I’m simply appalled at your recklessness! Even Ryuji doesn’t actually tell people that he’s a Phantom Thief!_

_I told you, I didn’t tell her. She guessed._

_How?_

_She realized that I was the only person who knew enough about her problems to have caused the people giving her grief to have a change of heart. Also, I did have her making a lot of lockpicks and bombs._

_She’s been making our infiltrations tools!?_

_Sometimes. I’m better at it, though, so it’s only on nights when I’m really busy._

_…_

_Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you text an audible pause before._

_I just...I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to respond to this._

_Well, my suggestion is to take a deep breath, and relax your shoulders. You’re tensing up._

_How could you possibly know that?_

_Because I’ve only been in your body for a few hours, and I can already tell you’re usually way too tense. I’d rather not have to visit a chiropractor once I get my body back._

_Oh? You mean Becky couldn’t take care of that for you?_

_You know what I mean. Seriously, it’s not good for your health. You’ve got to work on relaxing._

_Maybe you need to relax a little less!_

_Becky isn’t going to rat us out. We can trust her._

_Really? Then maybe I should call her up myself to see!_

_…_

_Oh? Something wrong?_

_I don’t think you should call her._

_Why not? Didn’t you just say I was too tense? Maybe a massage would be good for me._

_She’ll realize something’s up._

_I can pass as you. I just need to act as irresponsibly as possible._

_...Are you actually jealous? There is nothing going on between me and Becky._

_I’m not jealous! We’ve not even really dating._

_I know, it’s to help your friend. But you seem pretty worked up._

_Well, fortunately, I have a maid on the way, to take care of my stress. See you tomorrow._

Makoto tossed Akira’s phone on the bed angrily before she had a chance to reply. Haru looked at him with some concern. “Is everything alright?” he asked, rising to all fours and stretching on the couch.

“Perfect,” Makoto said irritably. “I have a maid coming over in a little while.”

“Oh! That’s kind of you!” Haru said cheerfully. “I’m sure Akira will be happy to have his room clean once he gets back.”

Makoto sighed. “I...don’t think it is that sort of maid, Haru. At least, not just that sort of maid.”

Haru tilted his head in confusion. Makoto took a deep breath.

“There are...maid services, that aren’t just cleaning services,” he explained awkwardly. “Some of them are a cover for sex work.”

“Oh!” Haru said, eyes widening. “Wow, Makoto! You’re really bold!”

“Bold?” Makoto asked in confusion.

“Well, I wouldn’t be brave enough to call a service like that,” Haru said, leaping onto the floor. “Not that I wouldn’t be curious. But have you asked Akira’s permission to do something like that?”

“His permission?” Makoto repeated, before realization dawned. “Wait! No, I’m not-I’m not calling the service to make use of it! I found out Akira has been using this maid service! But he insisted that there’s nothing going on between him and this maid, Becky.”

“Oh,” Haru said, considering this. “And, you think he’s being untruthful?”

“It’s possible,” Makoto said grimly. “He did admit that she knows he’s a phantom thief, after all. And he seemed anxious about the idea of me contacting her.”

“I see,” Haru said thoughtfully. “That is troubling. But, if she does have a relationship with him, what is your plan?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if Akira is one of her clients, wouldn’t she being coming here to have sex with him? And since you are in Akira’s body, wouldn’t that mean that she is coming to have sex with you?”

Makoto stared at Haru dumbly. “What?”

Haru sighed. “Makoto, I don’t think you thought this plan all the way through.”

“I-I’ll stop her, of course!” Makoto said hurriedly, turning bright red. “The minute she tries anything sexual, I’ll tell her to go!”

Haru nodded.”I guess that makes sense. It’s not like it would be easy to mistake cleaning for something like that, anyways.”

“Oh. Um, I actually...asked her to give me a massage,” Makoto admitted sheepishly.

Haru gave him a look. It was difficult to tell on a cat’s face, but Makoto was pretty sure it was exasperation. “That seems pretty intimate.”

“You’re right, this is a bad idea,” Makoto muttered, snatching up Akira’s phone. “I wasn’t thinking. Even if he is dating this maid, it’s not like it’s any of my business. I’ve just got to cancelled the-”

“Master?” a familiar voice called uncertainty. “Are you here? The front door was unlocked.”

Makoto’s eyes widened, and he silently cursed himself. He’d completely forgotten to lock the door before he came upstairs. “Just a minute!” he called desperately.

Haru leapt onto the bed. “What are you going to do?” he asked curiously.

“I’ll-I’ll send her away,” Makoto said in a low voice. “I’ll say I’m feeling sick. You stay here!” He hurried down the stairs.

Only to freeze at the base of the stairs in confusion. Standing before him was none other then Ms. Kawakami, dressed as a French Maid. She smiled in relief. “There you are!” she said fondly. “Everything alright?”

Makoto licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. A teacher? The “Becky” Akira had been seeing was a teacher? A teacher dressed in a ridiculously sexy maid costume?

Wait. Sexy? No, that wasn’t right. That was the sort of thought a hormonal teenage boy might have. Not Makoto! He shouldn’t be affected by seeing Ms. Kawakami in this outfit. He shouldn’t be affected by seeing anyone in this outfit. It was tailored to attract horny men, not diligent student council presidents!

Kawakami frowned. “Master? Are you feeling alright?”

Makoto flushed at being addressed as “Master”. He felt as though there was a weight in his stomach. “I-I’m fine!” he said unconvincingly. “Just distracted! Complicated day.”

Kawakami nodded sympathetically. “I’ll bet! Life is busy enough for ordinary high school students. For a phantom thief…”

Makoto closed his eyes, both at the confirmation that “Becky” really did know that Akira was a phantom thief, and to calm his churning stomach. What was this feeling? Surely this couldn’t be how Akira experienced lust? He’d heard of butterflies in one’s stomach, but this was ridiculous!

“You look like you’re sweating pretty heavily,” Kawakami said worriedly, approaching and putting a hand on Makoto’s forehead. He flinched at the sudden touch. “Got a temperature, too. Have you been working too hard?”

Makoto shook his head, desperately keeping his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see how close Kawakami was. “No. I think it was something I ate,” he said, finally recognizing the feeling in his stomach. “Some old curry.”

Kawakami clicked her tongue. “I told you, you’ve got to start eating better,” she scolded him. “You can’t just live on curry and hamburgers! You probably have food poisoning.”

Makoto nodded weakly, finally opening his eyes. “I think you’re right. Sorry to bother you. You should probably go home.”

“Don’t be silly,” Kawakami said briskly, stepping behind the counter. “You go upstairs and get undressed. I’ll get some wet clothes to wipe you down.”

Makoto flushed. “No, that’s really not necessary!” he insisted urgently. “I just need to get some rest.”

“Laying around in your own sweat will only make you sicker,” Kawakami admonished him. “Go!” She waved him upstairs.

Makoto reluctantly did as she asked, meeting Haru at the top. “So, how did it go?” he asked curiously. 

In response, Makoto slowly pulled off Akira’s jacket, folding it with shaking hands. Haru's eyes widened. “Oh. Well, I hope you enjoy yourself!” he said quickly, darting down the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

Akira put down Makoto’s phone worriedly. He’d stopped responding to her texts. She could only hope that Makoto had been bluffing about calling Kawakami. She didn’t want her to get in trouble. That was part of the reason she hadn’t told any of the other Phantom Thieves about her. 

Fortunately, Ryuji and Mishima hadn’t seen her as “Becky.” Akira doubted Ryuji would intentionally reveal Kawakami’s secret, but he did have a hard time not yelling about things. If Ryuji knew something, chances were good that the rest of the thieves would know about it in short order.

Ann might have reacted poorly to the idea of a teacher doing anything remotely sexual with a student. Even though there really was nothing but friendship between them, the circumstances might be too close to Kamoshida’s for Ann to remain quiet. 

As for Makoto…Akira sighed, rubbing her temples. She should never have brought up Becky to Makoto. Even if he wasn’t the perfect honor student he had been, Makoto definitely had a stronger respect for the law then the rest of the Phantom Thieves. Not to mention a far greater focus on acting professionally. The twin revelations of her using a maid service and her admitting to being a phantom thief would naturally upset him. Hopefully, Makoto would restrict his anger to Akira, and not extend it to poor Kawakami.

Akira was stirred from her thoughts by the sound of the door opening. She froze, looking up, as Sae entered the apartment. She frowned down at her. “It’s nearly midnight. Why are you still up?”

“Oh! I...got a text from a classmate who needed advice,” Akira said desperately. “I’ve been talking to them and lost track of time.”

Sae’s frown deepened. “You shouldn’t stay up so late. It will make it more difficult to focus on your classes tomorrow.”

“I-I know,” Akira said, nodding uncertainly. “What are you doing home? I thought you were staying at work.”

“I just came by to pick up some clothes,” Sae said, walking towards her bedroom. “Go take a bath and get changed for bed. You can’t afford to get sick right now.”

Akira held in a groan. “Sure,” she managed instead. “I’ll do that in a bit.”

Sae poked her head out of the bedroom. “Now,” she said sternly.

Akira sighed. “Okay,” she said in resignation. Makoto was already mad at her; this probably wouldn’t make things any worse then they already were. Better to catch a glimpse of Makoto naked then start a fight with her sister that Makoto would have to deal with.

In the bathroom, Akira made it a point to change facing away from the mirror, doing her best not to look down. Eventually, this proved impractical. “How the hell do girls take these off?” she muttered angrily, wrestling with Makoto’s bra. She twisted and turned, trying to uphook the thing. By the time she managed it, she was facing the mirror again, and thus in a perfect position to see Makoto’s bare chest.

Akira sighed again. “Of course,” she said tiredly. Well, there was no point in trying to preserve Makoto's modesty now. At least she’d actually be able to bathe properly.

She experimentally cupped Makoto’s breasts in her hands, examining them. Despite what porn had led her to believe, they really weren’t all that sensitive. They just felt...normal. Just another part of her body. She let her hands drop, and watched them jiggle slightly. “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be doing this,” she said aloud. Washing them was one thing. Playing with them was a different matter. She turned on the tap, watching the water fill the bathtub.

* * *

By the time Akira had left the bathroom, Sae was gone. Which was fortunate, as she had absentmindedly tied the towel around her waist like normal. Something she only realized when she felt the cool breeze on her breasts. “Sae probably wouldn’t approve of her sister wandering around topless,” Akira remarked, sitting back down on the black couch and picking up Makoto’s phone.

No more texts from Makoto. However, there was a text from Futaba’s phone.

_Akira, if you are still awake, your assistance would be invaluable._

_I’m up, Yusuke. What’s wrong?_

_I’m having some trouble with Futaba’s phone, and I was hoping you would be able to assist me._

_Why not ask Futaba for help?_

_She has stopped answering my texts, after I made several errors._

Akira smiled slightly. At least she wasn’t the only one who had pissed off their body’s original owner. _What’d you do?_

_I accidentally changed her cellphone background to a erotic photo Futaba sent me._

Akira’s smile vanished. _Futaba sent you a sexy picture?_ she typed urgently.

_Yes, I suppose I would characterize it as “sexy”. Though frankly, the lighting is atrocious._

_Why did she send it to you?_

_In response to the photo I sent her, I suppose._

_You sent Futaba a nude!?_

_No, not at all. I was wearing underwear._

Akira closed her eyes, trying to process this. Futaba and Yusuke had been exchanging sexy pictures? For how long? Were they dating? It was undeniable that the two were close, despite their bicking, but she hadn’t thought…

No. It was none of her business. If Futaba and Yusuke felt comfortable sending each other pictures like that, good for them. It wasn’t like either of them were the sort to do anything malicious with the photos, anyways. Akira opened her eyes, and returned to texting.

_Okay. Let me just make sure I’m understanding correctly. You accidentally set Futaba’s cellphone background to being a sexy picture of herself._

_Oh! No, I apologize for the confusion. It is actually a photo of my own body that Futaba took and sent to me tonight._

_...You guys have been sending each other sexy pictures while in each other’s bodies?_

_Well, I only sent one picture. I merely saved the rest of the ones I took._

Akira took a deep breath. “None of my business, none of my business,” she repeated aloud. _Okay, fine. So, you can’t figure out how to change the picture back_

_Unfortunately, no. Futaba’s phone seems to be needlessly complicated. Some of the menus even appear to be in different languages._

_And Futaba got frustrated walking you through the steps to remove the picture?_

_...Well, in the process of trying to remove the photo, I did make several mistakes._

_Somehow, I am unsurprised. What happened?_

_Well, it seems that Futaba has installed bugs in each of our phones._

Akira nodded, unfazed. _I already knew that she’d bugged mine. Honestly, it’s probably a good idea, considering that the Metaverse app is on them. She should be able to turn them off and track them, if they get lost or stolen._

_I admit, it is an intelligent precaution. Albeit one that I would have preferred to know about before it was installed._

_So, what does Futaba’s bugs have to do with all this?_

_Well, while attempting to access her phone’s photo gallery, I managed to access Ryuji’s._

_So?_

_Well. Many of the shots Ryuji had taken were of a...personal nature._

_...Has Ryuji been taking dick pics?_

_Yes, he has._

_Oh. Damn. That’s unlucky._

_Not really. He’s actually rather talented. Frankly, I would have expected something blurry and indistinct. But most of the shots were actually quite pleasing._

_...Pleasing how?_

_Aesthetically. Though I did feel a rather curious warmth flow through my body upon seeing them. He is inarguably well-endowed._

_Little more information then I needed to know, Yusuke._

_My apologies._

_It’s fine. So, what happened next?_

_Well, I explained my mistake to Futaba, who seemed quite upset. Apparently I had “tainted” her phone by using it to see Ryuji’s dick. I tried to explain that the photos were quite well-done, but she seemed disinclined to believe me. So, I picked a few of the better ones and sent them to her._

Akira covered her eyes. She could feel a headache coming on. _You sent dick pics. Of another guy. To Futaba._

_Yes. I wanted her to be able to judge them for herself. Of course, I asked her to delete them promptly after she was done viewing them, so as to not violate Ryuji’s privacy._

_I think that ship has sailed at this point. I’m guessing she didn’t react well?_

_You are correct. She ended up calling me, complaining that she was “scarred for life” and that “no amount of brain bleach would fix this.” It was quite disconcerting to hear my own voice say such things._

_I can imagine. And that’s when she stopped talking to you?_

_Well, no. While she was talking, I managed to change her background._

_You actually fixed it?_

_No. I accidentally changed it to one of the photos of Ryuji I had sent her. When I informed her of this, she hung up, and had refused to answer my texts._

Akira rubbed her temple. Yep, this was a full-on migraine. _I’m not surprised that she stopped talking to you. You should probably apologize to her tomorrow. And to Ryuji._

_I intend to. But I would like to actually fix her phone’s background as well._

_That might be a lost cause at this point._

_On my own, perhaps. I am hopeful, however, that with your assistance, we_

Akira frowned at Makoto’s phone, waiting for the rest of the message. It didn’t come. _You still there, Yusuke?_

_Yes, my apologies. I believe I’ve made another mistake._

_Oh? What now?_

_Well, are you sitting in Makoto’s apartment?_

_Yep._

_And are you currently topless?_

Akira frowned, before glancing down as if to confirm that she was. _Yes, I am. Hang on, did I tell you that?_

_No. I’m afraid I may be seeing through your camera._

Akira’s eyes widened, before she quickly slammed the phone facedown on the couch. “Shit,” she muttered. “Makoto really is going to kill me.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Dammit,” Ryuji muttered, turning in bed uncomfortably. How the hell did Ann sleep like this? True, she probably didn’t usually wear her normal clothes to bed. But that wasn’t even the only uncomfortable thing! This mattress was disgustingly soft. She felt like she was sinking into quicksand. And why did she have so many pillows? Did she really sleep with all this junk on her bed?

Ryuji finally sat up. There was no way she was going to get any sleep right now. Without knowing Ann’s phone password, she couldn’t text anybody, either. Assuming anybody else was even still awake. She thought about seeing what games Ann might have, before deciding against it. It was probably better not to mess around too much with her stuff.

She walked into the dark kitchen, still uncomfortably aware of how her stride had changed. As a former track star, Ryuji was used to having an instinctual understanding of how her feet would land; how her legs would bend. The sudden change in height and build threw all that off. It reminded her too much of the bad days, right after Kamoshida had fucked up her knee. Nothing had felt right for months afterwards.

Ryuji shook her head. It was no good thinking about dark shit like that. She had to find something to do until she got tired enough to pass out. She did a few squats experimentally, before groaning. Man, Ann really didn’t ever exercise!

With a sigh, she sat down on the couch and flipped the TV on. Or rather, wrestled with like twenty goddamn remotes before she managed to get the TV on. After flipping around, she finally settled on watching a rerun of some stupid romantic drama.

She was on the verge of falling asleep, when Ann’s phone rang. Out of habit, she sat there for a minute, waiting for Ann to pick it up, before remembering that she was Ann. Ryuji stumbled into the bedroom, and grabbed the phone. “Hello?” she asked blearily.

“Hello, Ann,” a female voice sneered. “This is Mika.”

“Mika?” Ryuji repeated helplessly, wracking her brain, until a light bulb went off. “Oh! The sexy chick with the long brown hair! Yeah, I remember.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. “Well, yes,” Mika said uncertainly. “I was calling to tell you that I’m going to be at the shoot tomorrow too. By invitation, I might add. No dirty tricks, like we agreed.”

“Oh, cool,” Ryuji said casually, returning to the living room and settling back on the couch. “Glad you’re getting a lotta work. Your stuff looks really good!”

“...Uh, thank you,” Mika said awkward. “Well, I was just calling to let you know that you don’t need to bother showing up for the shoot tomorrow. I can handle it by myself.”

“Really?” Ryuji asked eagerly. “Oh man, you’re a lifesaver! Thanks, Mika!”

There was another pause. “You’re...thanking me?” she asked finally.

Ryuji nodded, forgetting that Mika couldn’t see her. “Yeah, man! I’m actually not feeling so great, so I was gonna have to cancel anyways. But if you’re going to be there, I know the shoot’s gonna turn out awesome. You’ve got this good ‘innocent but sexy’ vibe going that I really like.”

“...Oh,” Mika said slowly. “Well, I’m...glad you like it?” She cleared her throat. “We can’t all be natural beauties like you,” she said more challengingly. “Some of us have to actually work to look this good.”

“Oh? You got an exercise regime, Mika?” Ryuji asked curiously.

“Of course I do,” Mika boasted. “Any _real_ model does. Exercise and strict diet; that’s the way a real professional works.”

“Can’t argue with that!” Ryuji said amiably. “Ann-I mean, I-really should be more like you. Training is super important!”

“...Okay, what is going on?” Mika asked, frustrated.

“What’da mean?”

“You’re acting strange. Are you trying to pull something?”

Ryuji internally cursed. Apparently, she wasn’t great at acting like Ann. Maybe she had to be friendlier. “Oh, I’m sorry, Mika,” Ruji said as sweetly as she could. “It’s pretty late, and I’m awfully tired. I didn't mean to insult you.”

“You...you didn’t insult me,” Mika said, confused. “You’ve been weirdly complimentary.”

“Well, that’s just because how much I admire you, Mika,” Ryuji said, trying to sound upbeat. No harm in going a little overboard. “I always get so excited seeing a magazine that has you in it, that I have to get it! I keep them all next to my bed.”

“...You do?”

“Sure! I flip through them at night, when I’m feeling lonely.” There was a moan from the TV, where the romantic drama was still playing.

Mika audibly gulped. “Lonely?” she repeated faintly.

“Of course!” Ryuji said easily. It wouldn’t hurt to remind Ann’s friend that she cared about her. “I miss you every night, Mika! I wish you were here right now.” There was another feminine moan from the TV.

“I-uh,” Mika said stupidly. “Wha-what would you do? If I were there.”

“Uh,” Ryuji said, thinking as quickly as she could. What did girls do at sleepovers, anyways? “I’d cuddle with you,” she finally decided. “We’d curl up in bed together and tell each other secrets.” Was that plausible? She’d better move away from this subject before Mika pressed her. “What are you doing right now, Mika?”

“L-lying in bed,” the woman said unsteadily.

“Me too!” Ryuji said untruthfully. “So I guess we kinda are curled up in bed and telling each other secrets!”

“H-hey,” Mika protested. “I’m-I’m not really into this sort of thing, you know?”

“What sort of thing?”

“You know! I’m-uh. I’m straight!”

Ryuji lifted an eyebrow. “Uh, okay. So?”

“What do you mean, ‘so’?” Mika said angrily. “Don’t you care?”

“I mean, not really,” Ryuji said with a shrug. “Being gay isn’t that big of a deal. I mean, I’m not saying it’s not hard! But at the end of the day, you can’t help who you love.”

“Love?” Mika asked, shocked. “You-are you saying that you-” She fell silent. “Look, I’ve-I’ve got to go,” she finally managed to get out. “I need to get up early tomorrow.”

Ryuji mustered his best fake-Ann voice. “Got it. Love you!”

Mika spluttered for a few moments before hanging up.


	6. Chapter 6

Morgana stared helplessly into Haru’s massive closet. What the heck did a girl like Haru wear to bed? Akira always just put on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. But Haru didn’t seem to have clothes like that. At least, not anywhere that Morgana could find them. She’d tried texting Makoto, to see if she could ask Haru for advice, but no one had gotten back to her. Which was irritating, considering how long the text had taken to write. Texting was a lot harder than it looked!

Eventually, Morgana settled on an old sweatshirt and a pair of shorts. This was probably fine. At least she’d be decent, if anyone came in. Not that Morgana was expecting anyone. It was past midnight.

Morgana left Haru’s bedroom, roaming the rest of the empty house. Massive and dark, it was more than a little creepy. She’d thought about living in a place like this once she became human, but now she wasn’t so sure. Spending every night with Akira had made the idea of sleeping alone surprisingly lonely.

She cocked her head, listening intently. Someone was walking towards the front door. Who on earth would be coming by so late? No one with good intentions, certainly. Carefully, she positioned herself out of sight of the entryway, and grabbed a vase.

To her shock, there wasn’t even a knock or a ring of the bell. Just a jingling of keys, and the door slowly swinging open. The indistinct shape of a man stepped into the house, turning to close the door behind him. He had some large object in one hand.

Morgana didn’t hesitate to make the first strike. With a yell, she leapt out and struck the man on the back of the head with the vase. The vase shattered and the man crumbled to the ground, hitting his head again on the door on the way down. Morgana stood over the body for a moment, waiting to see if the man was faking, before crossing the hall to switch on the light.

The light revealed the man to be Sugimura, Haru’s former fiance, who now lay unconscious on the floor. “Oh thank goodness,” Morgana said with relief. For a moment, she’d been afraid she’d brained some poor servant or something. The object he’d been holding appeared to be a large bouquet of flowers. “How thoughtful. If only I had a vase to put them in,” she cracked, before remembering that Sugimura was unconscious and couldn’t hear her. “Damn it,” she muttered, grabbing him by the arms. “Maybe I can say it again later.”

* * *

Morgana watched intently as Sugimura slowly woke up, groaning. She’d tied the man to a wooden chair with some bungee cords she’d found. She was fairly confident he wouldn’t be able to get loose. She’d made sure to tie them as tightly as she could. “Good morning!” she said cheerfully, gazing down at him. “Did you sleep well?”

“What?” he said groggily, before his eyes focused. “Wait. Haru. What’s going on? Untie me!”

“Not quite yet,” Morgana said, smiling. “I’ve got some questions for you first. Where did you get a key to my house?”

“What is the meaning of this? Haru, untie me!” Sugimura demanded. Morgana responded by kicking him in the shins. Fortunately, she’d had enough foresight to put on a pair of old gardening boots before her captive had woken up. Shoes felt way weirder than most other pieces of human clothing did, but she had to admit they were good for situations like this. The way Sugimura whimpered was almost a little too satisfying.

“Where did you get a key to my house?” she repeated calmly.

“You’re my fiancee, why wouldn’t I have a key?” he answered roughly. “One of your employees gave it to me when I asked. I was just coming by to give you some flowers.”

Morgana’s eyes lit up. “How thoughtful! If only I had a vase to put them in,” she said gloatingly.

“...You don’t have any vases?” Sugimura asked, confused.

“Of course I do! It’s just, the vase I used to hit you shattered, so-never mind,” Morgana said with a sigh. “Anyways, we broke up. I’m not your fiancee anymore.”

“I beg to differ,” Sugimura snarled. “Especially now, after what you’ve done. You really think you can get away with this? Assaulting the son of a politician? If you have any brains in that empty head of yours, you’ll untie me, get down on your knees, and beg for my forgiveness.”

Morgana kicked him again. “If you had any brains in _your_ head, you probably wouldn’t threaten the woman who has you tied up,” she said serenely, while he groaned. “Whether you had a key or not, you still didn’t have my permission to enter. Especially at this hour.”

“You think that that will make any difference, you stupid bitch?” Sugimura said angrily. “When my father hears of this-”

“ _If_ your father hears of this,” Morgana said coolly, picking up a steak knife from the counter.

The man flinched. “Wha-what are you doing?”

“Considering my options,” Morgana said lightly. “Let’s say you’re right. Your father’s well-connected enough that even all my family’s money and power isn’t enough to protect me. That doesn’t seem very likely, but maybe it's true! I don’t really know much about laws and stuff like that. If it is true, wouldn’t it be safer for me if you just...disappeared?”

Sugimura began to sweat. “Are you insane? You can’t be serious!”

“I could be wrong, but I’ve got a hunch that you didn’t tell anybody where you were going tonight,” Morgana said thoughtfully. “I bet you didn't want your driver to see you get rejected if I managed to kick you out. Am I right?” The frightened look on his face was all the confirmation that she needed. “So, no one knows you’re here. And if I just happened to know a place where I could dump your body where the police would never find it, you’d just become another missing person. There’d be no real reason for anyone to suspect me.”

“H-hey,” Sugimura said nervously. “Haru. Don’t-don’t do anything rash.”

“Don’t tell Haru what to do!” Morgana said angrily, kicking him repeatedly. “You're a terrible excuse for a human being. I could forgive you for the way you kicked me; even for the way you threatened the others. But I could never, _will never_ , forgive you for the way you treated Haru! Haru is a gentle, kind, and loving girl who just wants people to be happy. The way you acted towards her was monstrous. If her father had seen some of the things you did to her, I think even he would have been appalled!” 

Morgana forced herself to stop kicking, and take a step back. She closed her eyes, and took several deep breaths. The only sound in the room was Sugimura’s sobs.

Finally, she opened her eyes. “I’m going to cut you loose,” she said more calmly. “And you’re going to leave. And you’re never, ever going to bother Haru again. You’re not going to tell anyone about this. Not your father, not the police, no one. Because if you do any of that, I will kill you. Not threaten you. Not kick you around a little. You will die. No matter where you run, no matter where you hide, I will find you. And I will kill you. I give you my word as a gentleman. You got that?” When Sugimura didn’t immediately respond, she brought the knife closer. “I said, you got that?”

“I got it! I got it!” Sugimura shrieked. Morgana nodded, before going to the back of the chair and cutting the bungee cords. The man fell out of the chair, before scrambling to his feet. He fled immediately, not even bothering to close the door on the way out.

Morgana sat down on the couch with a sigh. “I hope that guy isn’t stupid enough to think I was bluffing,” she said irritably. Hopefully, he’d be smart enough to never contact Haru again. The poor girl had enough to deal with, without having to handle a jerk like him too.

Checking the clock, Morgana groaned. She was barely going to get any sleep tonight! She shook her head, rising to her feet again. She should probably clean up the mess before she went to bed. This would be a little hard to explain to any of Haru’s servants tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

Akira hurried towards the school roof, barely managing to hold on to the stack of papers a teacher had handed off to her. Damn it, did everyone rely on Makoto to do their jobs for them? She’d been stopped after class five times by students and various faculty members, all of whom either had some question that she couldn’t answer or needed some task accomplished that she couldn’t do. She’d bluffed as best she could, and was hopeful she hadn’t totally destroyed Makoto’s reputation, but as a result, she was late to their meeting.

Pushing open the roof door, she was nearly struck by a clump of dirt that hit the wall beside her. “Please don’t throw the gardening soil!” Haru cried in alarm, hoping up onto the table for safety. Makoto and Ryuji were holding Futaba back, as he struggled to get away.

“Damn it! Yusuke, how the hell are you so strong?” Ryuji complained, pulling on Futaba’s arm. “You never work out and you barely eat anything.”

“I think you might just be weaker than normal,” Makoto said tiredly. He was, Akira was alarmed to note, unnervingly pale, and sweating much more then the temperature warranted.

“Well, sorry!” Ann snapped, biting into another pretzel savagely. He was sitting at the small table with Morgana. “We can’t all be jocks!”

“Let me go!” Futaba yelled angrily. “I’m not going to kill him. I’m just going to make him wish he was dead!”

“It was an honest mistake!” Yusuke protested from the other side of the roof. “Well, several honest mistakes, I suppose. Your phone is excessively complicated, after all.”

“Just because I don’t have a Jitterbug like you-”

“Guys!” Akira said loudly. “Be quiet for a minute.” She wasn’t sure if it was her words, or Makoto’s naturally authoritative tone, but everyone settled down and looked at her. “Okay. Before we do anything else, I’m going to go through each of you, and you’re going to tell us what you did last night. When we switch back, we don’t want any unpleasant surprises waiting for us. Futaba, what did you do after we split?”

“Nothing!” he said irritably. “Because there was nothing to do! Inari’s room was empty except for a sleeping mat and ten million canvases. He doesn’t even have a computer! And then, he texted me-”

“Let’s let Yusuke tell that part,” Akira interrupted him. “Yusuke?”

Yusuke cleared her throat, coming to stand closer to the rest of them. “Being confined to Futaba’s room and unable to access any art supplies, I elected to spend my time modeling, using Futaba’s phone as a camera.”

“Oh jeez,” Ann muttered, covering his eyes.

“What? You saw Futaba naked?” Ryuji asked incredulously.

“No, of course not! Merely in her underwear. Afterwards, I sent her one I was uncertain about, and in exchange, she sent me a picture of myself in similar attire.”

“That’s not what-!”

“Futaba,” Akira said chidingly. “Let your boyfriend finish his story.”

“He’s not my-!”

“Then, I accidentally changed her cellphone background to this photo, and shortly thereafter, to a picture of Ryuji’s dick.”

“What!” Ryuji yelped.

“You sent Futaba pictures of your dick?” Makoto asked stonily.

“No! I’ve never sent them to anybody!” Ryuji insisted, holding up her hands like she expected to be assaulted. “I just-I just took ‘em for myself.”

“They’re quite good,” Yusuke reassured her earnestly. “The lightning-”

“Yusuke,” Akira said gently.

“Oh. Right.” Yusake cleared her throat, before blowing slowly. “Ryuji. I apologize for violating your privacy. It was not intentionally done, but I am sorry nevertheless.” She turned to Futaba, bowing again. “Futaba. I am sorry for meddling with your phone. Hopefully, I did not do irreparable damage to it, or your mind.”

Ryuji blew out slowly, pushing a stand of Ann’s long hair out of her face. “I mean, s’alright man. I dunno how you even saw those pics, but it’s not the end of the world. Guess we probably all did some embarrassing shit last night, yeah?”

“I’m going to have to see it again while I fix my phone,” Futaba said angrily. “I am, once again, going to be exposed to the horror that is Ryuji’s dick. You owe me, Inari.”

“Hey, it isn’t horri-”

“Skull,” Makoto said warningly. Ryuji wisely let the matter drop.

Akira nodded. “Alright. Ryuji, what about you?”

“Uh, nothing much happened!” Ryuji said quickly. “Nothing weird, that’s for sure!”

“What did you do?” Ann said instantly. “You stripped, didn’t you? How much did you see?”

“No! No, I didn’t strip!” she insisted. “I’m wearing the same stuff from yesterday. Here, smell it!”

“No thanks,” Ann said, wrinkling his nose. “It’s bad enough I have to smell your unshowered body. So what did you do?”

Ryuji shut her eyes. “I-I kinda had to take off your pants to go pee. I’m sorry, but what else could I do?”

“Oh, that’s it?” Ann said in relief. “Don’t worry me like that. I thought you’d done something pervy!”

“What’da mean, ‘that’s it’? I was stressing out about this!”

“It’s no big deal,” he said dismissively. “I mean, I did the same thing in your body.”

“Jeez. Is there anybody here who hasn’t seen my dick?”

Haru raised a paw. The others looked away awkwardly.

“Wait. Seriously? When the hell did-”

“Moving on,” Akira interrupted. “Did anything else happen, Ryuji?”

“Not much. Oh, one of your model friends called, Ann. She said she could handle the shoot later today by herself.”

“Oh. That’s...good, I guess,” he said suspiciously. “I wasn’t really looking forward to today’s shoot anyways, even before all this. You didn’t say anything weird to them, did you?”

Ryuji scratched her head. “Don’t think so. We didn’t really talk for very long.”

“Great! No real problems,” Akira said encouragingly. “Ann?”

“Me? I just had dinner with Ryuji’s mom and went to bed.” He shrugged, overly-casual. “Nothing really embarrassing.”

“Shit. She talked about condoms, didn’t she?” Ryuji said with a groan. “She got a huge box of ‘em, and keeps insisting that I keep some with me.”

“...Okay, yeah. She did.”

Ryuji groaned again. “Mom!”

“Anyways,” Akira interrupted. “Makoto. Are you okay? You look awful.”

“Oh,” Makoto said, lowering himself into a chair. “I’m fine. Just a minor case of food poisoning, I think.”

“...And you still came to school?” Akira asked critically.

“I didn’t want to miss our meeting.”

“Please don’t wreck my body, Makoto.” Akira sighed. “Is that why you changed my clothes?”

Makoto jolted. “You noticed?”

“I can tell the difference between clean and dirty clothes, yes.”

“Um. Yes, I’m afraid so. I-I had to wipe off all the sweat.”

“Hmm.” Akira decided not to press him about Becky for now. Better to keep Kawakami’s secret on a need-to-know basis. “Okay, well, I don’t really mind. Especially since I had to shower as you.”

“You what?” Ryuji asked, shocked.

“Sae came home unexpectedly. I didn’t have a choice. Sorry, Makoto.”

He shook his head weakly. “It’s fine. It’d be hypocritical of me to be upset. As long as all you did was shower?”

“I also accidentally flashed Yusuke.”

Makoto’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Oh!” Yusuke stiffened, before bowing again to Makoto. “I forgot to include you in my apology, Makoto. I accidentally accessed your phone's camera function while texting with Akira.”

“You were sitting around nude. In my body. Texting,” Makoto said through gritted teeth.

“I was wearing a towel,” Akira said defensively. “It just didn’t cover your chest.”

“So you were sitting around topless, then.”

Akira considered. “Well...yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Makoto buried his face in his hands. “Akira…” he said wearily.

“So! Haru!” Akira said brightly. “Anything interesting happen last night?”

“Oh! Uh, no,” she said nervously, sneaking a glance at Makoto. “No visitors or anything!”

“Visitors?” Yusuke asked curiously.

“No visitors!” Haru insisted. “Absolutely no older women!”

“Haru!” Makoto hissed.

“What? Older women?” Ann asked curiously.

Haru hesitated, chewing on one paw nervously. “I’m sorry, Makoto,” she said helplessly. “I’m not good at lying. Makoto hired a prostitute last night.”

“What?” a chorus of voices erupted.

“I didn’t hire her!” Makoto protested.

“And then they went upstairs and had sex.”

“Seriously?” Ann asked, shocked.

“No!” Makoto cried. “That’s-that’s not what happened!”

“They were at it for hours,” Haru said, haunted. “I hid downstairs the whole time.”

“Holy shit,” Ruyji said, shellshocked. “You really-in Akira’s body?”

“No!” Makoto said desperately. “We didn’t have sex! She just-she just gave me a bath. Because I was sick. Nothing else happened!”

“You hired a sex worker to give you a bath?” Futaba asked dubiously.

“She wasn’t a sex worker! She was a maid. And I didn’t ask her to do it, she just insisted.”

“A sexy maid gave you a bath?” Ryuji asked enviously. “Man, that sounds awesome!”

“It was mortifying!”

“I dunno,” Futaba said thoughtfully. “This story sounds fishy. Why would you even call for a maid?”

“Well-because-” Makoto said, fumblingly.

“Let’s leave that be,” Akira said smoothly. “Whatever Makoto may or may not have done with my body, it’s all water under the bridge now.”

“I didn’t-!”

“Morgana. What did you do last night?”

There was no answer. Ann reached over and shook her lightly. Morgana awoke with a start. “Huh? What?” she said blearily.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night?” Ann asked sympathetically.

“Oh. No, I only got a few hours,” Morgana said with a yawn. “And napping in class was difficult! People kept waking me up.”

“Oh dear,” Haru said worriedly. “I hope none of my teachers are mad at me!”

“Did anything happen last night?” Akira repeated.

“Last night?” Morgana repeated. “Well, I ate dinner. I asked one of Haru’s people to buy me sushi. It was delicious!”

“Anything else?”

“I took a shower, like Haru asked. And...that’s it.”

“Really?” Akira asked skeptically. “Nothing else happened?”

Morgana shook her head, yawning again. “Nope.”

“Well, that’s good,” Haru said happily. “Not that I didn’t trust you, of course!”

Akira nodded slowly. “Okay. So besides Yusuke’s misadventures and Makoto poisoning me and hooking up with my body, everything went fine last night.” Makoto groaned, but Akira continued. “Anything happen today in class?”

“Inari’s lessons were super-hard to follow!” Futaba complained. “Kosei is weird.”

Ryuji nodded. “I know what you mean, man. I could only understand like every other word!”

“Ryuji, we go to the same school and we’re in the same year,” Ann pointed out. “We even have the same teachers!”

“I took detailed notes,” Makoto said firmly, heading off an argument. “I remember most of the material from last year, but I didn’t want Akira to fall behind. I did have to answer several questions, but I got all of them right.”

“I recorded most of my lectures on Makoto’s phone,” Akira said frankly. “I didn’t trust myself to write it down right. And I also had to deal with a bunch of student council business, and make up some things. By the way, people think the school’s planning to hire a clown to ‘improve morale’.”

“You told people the student council is spending its budget on a clown?” Makoto asked, confused. “Why?”

“A teacher asked me what the student council planned to do to improve school spirit,” Akira said with a shrug. “I was in a hurry, so I just told them the first thing I could think of.”

“Who the hell likes clowns?” Ryuji asked, bewildered.

“They’re good in horror,” Futaba said, putting his fingers into his mouth and pulling it up into a grin.

“Stop using my face to make such a ghastly expression!” Yusuke demanded.

Makoto sighed. “Futaba. Morgana. Did either of you come up with any ideas about how to switch us back?”

Futaba shook his head. Morgana yawned again. “Our best bet is to head back to Mementos,” she said lazily. “If we find the same kind of Shadow that switched us, we might be able to figure out how the effect works.”

Akira nodded. “That makes sense to me. Any objections?” Everyone shook their heads. “Alright. Let’s head out!”


	8. Chapter 8

Joker rested her head on the steering wheel. “Okay,” she said tiredly. “We might want to stop for today.”

This trip to Mementos had been a disaster. While everyone could still summon their personas, their ability to wield their normal weapons ranged greatly. Panther was expertly wielding his whip like normal. Mona had had a little trouble dealing with her new height at first, but had quickly adjusted. However, Skull was visibly straining to hit Shadows with the same force that she normally did, and Fox had nearly skewed herself trying to use her katana. Joker hadn’t had too much trouble, but Queen was completely out of action. After a failed punch had ended with him throwing up on the Shadow they were attacking, they’d been forced to leave him at a rest station with Fox.

“I hope Queen is okay,” Noir said worriedly. He hadn’t even bothered to try and fight. There was simply no way Mona’s body could hold an ax. His main contribution this trip, aside from ferrying them around, had been to run over several difficult Shadows.

“He should’ve stayed home if he was feeling sick,” Panther said with a sigh.

“Seriously. Isn’t Queen being kinda reckless with Joker’s bod?” Skull asked critically. “I mean, what if he gets injured? Wouldn’t it suck if you got your body back, but you’re all beat up?”

“Yeah. That would suck,” Joker said flatly. She shook her head. “I don’t think we’re going to find this Shadow today. We’ve been at this for hours. Let’s go pick them up and head home.”

“Can’t we try a little longer? Please?” Oracle pleaded. “I really want to go home today. Inari’s room is so boring! And I just know she’s gonna do something stupid.”

“She already promised not to touch your phone,” Joker said patiently. “And you locked her out of the most dangerous functions anyways.”

“What if she says something weird to Sojiro?”

“Sojiro is used to you being weird. He’ll roll with it.”

Oracle settled back into his seat with a huff. “Fine,” he said irritably. “But if I die from boredom, I’m coming back to haunt you.”

Mona cracked one eye open. “Huh?” she asked, confused. “Are we fighting again?”

“No, Mona,” Joker said, turning the van around. “We’re going home.”

“Oh good,” she said sleepily. “I need to go to bed.”

“Oh! Mona, I completely forgot!” Noir said, distressed. “There is a board meeting this evening. I’m supposed to attend.”

Mona groaned. “Can you skip it?”

“I really shouldn’t. They changed the time specifically to fit my schedule,” Noir said anxiously. “Could you please go? You shouldn’t have to speak much; I’m just supposed to be getting reports from our various head executives.”

“But I don’t know anything about running a company!”

“Why don’t you just bring Noir, then?” Joker interrupted. “Keep him in a bag under the table or something. He’ll be able to give you advice and feed you lines, and no one else will be able to hear him.”

“Oh! Like Cyrano de Bergerac!” Noir said enthusiastically.

“I’m not trying to woo anyone!” Mona complained. She sighed. “But that’s not a bad idea. Alright, I’ll go to this meeting.”

“Thank you, Mona!” Noir said happily.

“Just don’t blame me if I fall asleep,” Mona grumbled.

“Man. I’m so glad I don’t gotta deal with shit like that,” Skull said, shaking her head.

Panther bit his lip. “I’ve...actually got another shoot tomorrow. Right after school. And I can’t really miss this one. So…”

“What? Hell no!” Skull said angrily. “I don’t know shit about modeling!”

“Please? It’s not a hard one! You just have to follow directions.”

“But...what if some sleazy guy makes a pass at me?”

Panther rolled his eyes. “Then blow him off! And don’t go to any afterparties. Everybody drinks at those. And some of the guys get pretty handys.”

“God, you're really selling this,” Skull muttered. She sighed. “Fine. I’ll do it!”

“Um. I’m sorry to interrupt,” Noir said hesitantly. “But...isn’t this where we left Fox and Queen?”

It was indeed the rest stop where they’d dropped the two off. However, neither of them were there.

“Oh shit!” Skull exclaimed. “Where’d they go?”

“Can we call them?” Panther said worriedly.

Oracle rolled his eyes. “We’re in Mementos! We can’t use our phones normally. I’m going to scan and see if I can pick them up.”

Joker drummed her fingers on the steering wheel nervously. If they didn’t find Fox and Queen, they’d have a very serious problem on their hands. Aside from the normal worry that came from a fellow thief going missing, they were in Akira’s and Futaba’s bodies. If neither of them showed up at home tonight, Sojiro would lose his mind from worry. They couldn’t even fake an excuse for not being there without their phones.

“Got them!” Oracle said triumphantly, breaking into Joker’s worried thoughts. “They’re on the floor above us!”

Immediately, Joker slammed her foot on the accelerator, speeding towards the next level.

* * *

They found the two fairly quickly, in the midst of fighting a Shadow. Fox had wisely left her sword sheathed, and was raining ice attacks down on the creature. Queen, visibly swaying, was healing them both as best he could. Neither looked to be in great shape. 

Joker resisted the urge to try and run the monster down. There was too big a risk they’d hit one of their teammates. Instead, she pulled up with a screech of the brakes, and practically threw herself out of the van, lunging at the monster with her knife.

“That’s it! That’s the right kind of Shadow!” Oracle said triumphantly, as Joker slashed at it. “I’m doing a full scan! Don’t kill it till I’m done.”

“We saw it from the rest stop,” Queen said weakly, stepping back to allow Panther to take his place. “We knew we couldn’t let it get away.”

“You can’t switch back if you’re dead, man!” Skull complained, striking out with her pipe with two hands. “You okay?”

“I...might have twisted my ankle chasing it,” Queen admitted shamefaced. “Healing magic doesn’t seem to be working on it, either.”

“Please stop destroying my body, Queen,” Joker grunted, slashing again.

Mona’s eyes widened. “Oh shoot. It’s getting ready to do that attack again. Kill it before it gets a chance!”

“Scan’s done! Take it down!” Oracle cried.

Under a hail of gunfire from half a dozen thieves, the Shadow quickly disintegrated. “Just in time,” Mona said with relief.

“Hang on. Didn’t we want it to use that attack again?” Skull asked, confused. “It might’ve changed us back!”

“Or it might have just switched us around even more!” Mona said irritably. “It was too big a risk. Now Oracle will be able to tell us about how it works!”

“Y-yep,” Oracle said nervously. “Got all the info right here.”

“So? What did you discover?” Fox asked urgently.

“Well, the good news is that it’s temporary!” Oracle said, smiling awkwardly. “It’ll just go away on its own.”

“Man! That’s a relief,” Skull said happily. “Don’t gotta worry about tracking another of those things down.”

“And the bad news?” Queen asked pointedly.

Oracle swallowed. “Yeah...the bad news. Turns out this is gonna last for about a month.”

“A month!” Panther exclaimed.

“No way!” Skull yelled, clutching her head.

“That may pose a problem,” Fox said thoughtfully.

“You’re sure about this?” Queen asked hopelessly.

Oracle shrugged. “Could be a little more, could be a little less. But yeah, about a month.”

“I’ve got to be on the student council for a month?” Joker asked, horrified. When the others stared at her, she shrugged. “It’s stressful,” she said in explanation. “The rest of Makoto’s life doesn’t really bother me.”

“Well, it bothers me!” Queen said angrily. “I’ve got entrance exams coming up!”

“Well, you can still study in Joker’s body,” Noir offered nervously. “I’ll be with you, too! We can study together.”

“And my sister,” Queen said anxiously, ignoring him. “How will she react to my strange behavior? She’ll think I’ve gone insane!”

“That’s kind of insulting,” Joker said mildly.

“You think you’ve got it bad?” Skull yelped. “I’m gonna have to be Ann for a month!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Panther asked indignantly.

“Dude, your life’s hard! You’ve got, like, a real job and shit. Plus, you’re a hot girl, so everybody’s always creeping on you.”

“Oh,” Panther said, mollified. “I mean, it’s not that bad. I’ll help you out.”

“I should be okay, as long as I can grab my laptop,” Oracle said thoughtfully. “It’s not like anybody knows what I look like online. But I don’t know how to paint!”

“Not to worry,” Fox said reassuringly. “I’m allowed to take a period of time off, to work independently. As long as I can produce several new works by the end of it, you should be able to skip most school events.”

“So. Living as a human for a month, huh?” Mona said gleefully. “I think I can manage that!”

“I’ll be happy to give you advice whenever you need it!” Noir said cheerfully.

Queen sighed. “Aren’t you all just a little too comfortable with this situation? We barely managed to act like each other for 24 hours. You really think we can do it for a month?”

“I don’t think we have much choice,” Joker said, patting him on the back. “We’ve just got to do the best job that we can.”

He shook his head. “You’re right, of course. We should head back. We can discuss how to handle the next month once we’re outside.” He attempted to take a step towards the van, and immediately fell. “Ow,” he groaned from the ground. “I...I think my ankle might be worse than I thought.”

“Please don’t kill me, Queen,” Joker sighed.


	9. Chapter 9

“Well, I believe that wraps up all our current business,” Takakura, the company president, said, rising to his feet. Morgana sagged in her chair in relief. The meeting had been both incredibly stressful and painfully boring. Even if she hadn’t just finished fighting in another world on three hours of sleep, she would still have been hard-pressed to pay attention. Haru really had to deal with this nonsense regularly? Her respect for the heiress had certainly grown, that’s for sure.

Thankfully, Akira’s plan had worked. No one had questioned the bag Morgana had brought with her, and placed beside her chair. And if any executives had heard any meowing as Haru had told Morgana what to say, none of them had commented on it. All in all, Morgana was ready to call this mission a success!

“Well done, Morgana!” Haru said cheerfully as she stood, picking up the bag. “Thank you so much for doing this!”

“That was a breeze!” Morgana said, making a point of speaking quietly. “But now I really do need to go to bed.”

“Excuse me. Haru?” Takakura called. “May I have a moment?”

Morgana sighed, before pasting on a fake smile. “Of course!” she said, trying to sound cheerful.

Takakura waited until everyone else had exited the meeting room before speaking. “You did a wonderful job at today’s meeting,” he said warmly. “I can tell that you are taking your responsibilities very seriously.”

“Oh. Well, thank you,” Morgana said, bowing slightly.

Takakura paused, clearly hesitant to speak further. “Apart from that…I understand that I am in no way your guardian. You are an intelligent, independent young woman, who can take care of herself. So, perhaps it is not right for me to inquire further. Nevertheless, I would feel remiss in not at least broaching this topic.”

“What topic?” Morgana asked warily.

The president swallowed, obviously uncomfortable. “A...young man was spotted leaving your home late last night. The guard did not manage to get a good look at him, but he seemed injured. Was...there some sort of altercation last night?”

“A young man?” Haru asked, puzzled. Morgana silently cursed to herself. Of course the guards would see him only on the way out! If they were any good at their jobs, they would have prevented him from coming in to begin with.

“Ah. No, nothing serious happened last night,” Morgana reassured Takakura. “That was just...a friend! From school!”

“A...friend,” Takakura repeated slowly. “At that hour?”

“Who came over? Was it one of our friends?” Haru asked, confused.

“Yes,” Morgana bluffed. “We...we were training together, and he got hurt. But not badly!”

“Training?”

“Yes! Just...exercising,” Morgan said unconvincingly. “Stretching, doing squats. Working up a good sweat.”

Takakura’s eyes widened as a realization seemed to hit him. “Oh! I-I see,” he said awkwardly.

“Wait. Morgana?” Haru asked, alarmed.

“Tell me. Was it...the young man you introduced to me earlier?” the president asked hesitantly.

Morgana nodded eagerly. “Yes, Akira! That’s who it was.”

“You didn’t meet with Akira!” Haru said worriedly. “His body was upstairs at Leblanc all night. Who were you with?”

Takakura took a deep breath. “I understand,” he said, trying to maintain his composure. “I am sorry for prying. In the future, might I suggest that you keep your...meetings...somewhere more private? Your personal business is your own, of course, but I wouldn’t want for you to have to deal with gossip.”

“Morgana, he’s got the wrong idea!” Haru said in a panic. “At least, I hope it is the wrong idea!”

“Like where?” Morgana asked curiously.

Sweat beaded Takakura’s forehead. “I-I apologize if this is awkward,” he said, wiping his brow, before pulling a small card out of his wallet. “This was the hotel your father frequently used for his...liaisons.”

“Father!?” Haru asked, shocked.

“It’s very discrete. You and your...friend...will have total privacy there.”

“Interesting…” Morgana said thoughtfully. A completely private hotel room could be an excellent hideout. “I’ll be sure to make good use of this!”

“Morgana!” Haru cried despairing. 

Takakura winced. “Well, I don’t think we need to discuss this any further,” he said hurriedly. “Good evening, Haru.” He practically fled the meeting room, leaving Morgana alone.

Alone, save for a very upset Haru. “Morgana!” he moaned. “What were you doing last night? Now Takakura thinks that you-that I-!” She broke off with another low moan.

Morgana sighed. “I’d hoped this wouldn’t come up,” she muttered, placing the bag on the table and letting Haru out. “Sugimura came by last night.”

“You slept with Sugimura!?”

“What? No!” Morgana said, offended. “I knocked him out and tied him up.”

“Oh.” Haru went quiet. “That...that sounds sort of nice. Did he struggle?”

“Sure, when he woke,” Morgana said, nodding. “And even more when I kicked him.”

“Oh…” Haru said, cocking his head. “That...oh goodness! That sounds rather satisfying.”

“It was,” Morgana assured her. “Then I threatened him with a knife and told him I’d kill him if he ever came near you again.”

Haru closed his eyes blissfully. “I...was it sharp?”

“Very sharp. It cut right through the cords when I let him go.”

Haru hummed. “You...did you erase the tapes for the cameras inside the house?”

“There are cameras in there?” Morgana asked worriedly. “No, I didn’t! I’m sorry, Haru. I’ll erase them as soon as I get home.”

“No!” Haru objected, opening his eyes. “No, it’s alright, Morgana. Only Father and I could access them anyways. Just...leave them be. I want to save the tape for that night.”

“Um. Alright?” Morgana asked, confused. “That seems a little risky. But it’s your call.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Haru said dreamily, before shaking his head. “But why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

Morgana shuffled her feet, looking down. “I didn’t want to upset you,” she admitted sheepishly. “I thought that just mentioning that that jerk came to your house would worry you. So, I thought I could just handle it quietly by myself.”

“Oh, Morgana,” Haru said, touched. “Thank you for worrying about me! But I’m fine. I know he can’t hurt me anymore.” He sighed. “And now Takakura thinks that I’ve been sleeping with Akira. I don’t think anything I can say now will change his mind.”

“What? Why would he think that?” Morgana asked, cocking her head.

“There aren't many reasons why a young man would leave a lady’s house so early in the morning,” Haru explained. “And when you said that you two were training…”

“Oh!” Morgana said, slapping her forehead. “Damn it. That’s not what I was trying to say.”

“It’s alright,” Haru said tiredly. “Takakura won’t tell anyone else. I’ll just have to warn Akira that he may act oddly the next time he sees him.” He paused. “Actually, I guess I’ll have to warn Makoto too. This body stuff sure is strange!”

“No kidding,” Morgana said with a yawn. “Though I am enjoying being human! But now, I really do need to sleep. Mind coming home with me?”

“Not at all!” Haru said, hopping back into the bag. “It is my home too, after all!”


	10. Chapter 10

_How are you feeling, Makoto?_

_Much better, thank you. I believe the food poisoning has passed._

_And your ankle? Or, my ankle, I guess._

_I had the doctor at your local clinic examine it. Nothing broken. She just bandaged it tightly and warned me to keep my weight off it._

_Good. After classes, can you drop by the student council room? I could use your advice about some stuff. Because I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m in way over my head._

_Oh dear. Yes, I’ll come. I’d rather you not burn down the school before I get my body back._

* * *

“Okay,” Makoto said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Several questions. First. Yusuke. Why are you here? And why are you wearing white face paint?”

“I’m auditioning to be the clown Shujin Academy hires,” Yusuke said seriously, fixing her red nose. “Akira said that I might be able to make some money.”

“I see,” Makoto said calmly, trying to quell the urge to strangle Akira. “Did you ask Futaba’s permission to do this?”

“Oh. No, I did not. Do you think she would mind?”

Makoto eyed Yusuke’s outfit. Bright tie-dye overalls, what looked to be old bowling shoes, and no shirt. “I think she might,” Makoto said tiredly. “That face paint is...safe. Right?”

“Yes, it is nontoxic,” Yusuke assured her. “I would not waste quality paint on something like this.”

“Good,” Makoto said in relief. “Now, for my second question. Why is Morgana lying on the floor?”

“I believe she is sleeping.”

“Just...on the floor of the student council room?”

“I...suppose so? I admit, it is quite odd. But when one considers that Morgana is normally a cat, I believe it does make a certain degree of sense. Cats do tend to sleep wherever they wish.”

“That can’t be comfortable,” Makoto muttered, crouching down to shake Morgana lightly. “Morgana? Are you alright?”

“What?” she asked, sitting up and yawning. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. If you want to sleep, you’re welcome to use one of the couches,” Makoto said, patting the girl’s shoulder.

“Nah, I was just waiting for Akira,” she said, getting to her feet. “I got plenty of sleep last night.”

As if on cue, Akira pulled open the office door. “Sorry I’m late,” she said, sounding frazzled. “One of the club rooms apparently got double-booked. Both the jazz club and the calligraphy club wanted me to decide who got to use it today.”

“What did you decide?” Maktoko asked apprehensively.

“Told them to share it,” Akira said, sitting down with a sigh.

Makoto tried to ignore the vision she suddenly had of students attempting to paint intricate characters while loud, random noises startled them. “I was just talking to Yusuke about his ‘audition’,” she said instead. “Can we discuss that?”

“Oh yeah,” Akira said, glancing up at Yusuke. “You look great, Yusuke! You might have found Futaba’s true calling. Mind waiting outside while we talk about this?”

“But I have not yet performed my act!” Yusuke protested. “I have been studying the art of creating balloon animals.” She picked up a blue balloon dog from the table, offering it to Makoto.

“Wow! This is actually quite good,” he said, impressed despite himself. “But...how did you get balloons for this?”

Yusuke beamed. “Most ingeniously! At Kosei, there is a bowl outside of the nurse’s office that is always filled with packets of free condoms. I simply returned to school and retrieved a handful of them.”

Makoto abruptly dropped the balloon. “You grabbed a bunch of condoms while looking like Futaba?”

“Well, I doubt that anyone would recognize her. She does not attend Kosei, after all. And I was already wearing this outfit…”

“I wonder if clown porn is a thing?” Akira said thoughtfully. “It has to be, right? Futaba would know.”

“We are not telling Futaba about this,” Makoto said firmly. “Yusuke, please wait outside.”

Yusuke nodded, before exiting the room. Makoto turned to glare at Akira. “Are you seriously considering using student council funds to hire Yusuke as a clown?” she asked dangerously.

“What, you don’t think people would like her?” Akira asked flippantly. “Honestly, this condom balloon animal has really improved my morale. I already feel way better than I did!”

Makoto continued to glare at her. Akira’s smile finally melted. “I promise, this isn’t a joke. Well, not just a joke,” she corrected, growing more serious. “You know how badly Yusuke’s been hurting for money.”

Makoto nodded reluctantly. “I do. Honestly, I’ve been worried about how Futaba will handle things.”

“Oh, I got that,” Akira said dismissively. “I’ve got plenty of money. And Futaba’s never had a problem borrowing it. But Yusuke does. He refuses to borrow money from anyone. He doesn’t mind if Ryuji or I spot him a meal, or if Sojiro serves him a free cup of coffee. But he absolutely won't take our money directly. He won’t even let Futaba commission him for anything. Though it probably doesn’t help that she’s always trying to get him to paint memes...”

“I see,” Makoto said, contemplatively. “So, by framing it as a job…”

“We can help him build up some savings,” Akira said, nodding. “I mean, no guarantees he won’t blow it all on art supplies after we switch back. But at least for a month, he’ll be able to save up some money.”

“And if he thinks the money is coming from the student council, he won’t think of it as charity,” Morgana added.

“So you plan to use your own money,” Makoto confirmed. Akira nodded. “Well, then I can’t object. Except to say that I’ll pitch in too.”

“I told Haru about this this morning, when you texted me,” Morgana said earnestly to Akira. “She said that she’s willing to help, too. That’s what I was coming here to tell you.”

“Great!” Akira said, smiling. “That will really help. Especially since Makoto actually has all of my money right now.”

“You’re welcome to use my account. Carefully,” Makoto added. “We’ll figure out who owes what later. As long as everyone discusses big purchases ahead of time, I don’t think we’ll have any problems.” He sighed. “But really. A clown?”

Akira shrugged. “Clowns are funny.”

“Nobody likes clowns.”

“If I’m right about the existence of clown porn, somebody must.”

“Stop saying clown porn! Does Futaba know about this yet?”

“Ah…” Akira scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “Not...exactly. She knows we’re giving Yusuke a job. But she doesn’t know what it is.”

Makoto shot her a look. “You need to tell her. Unless you want Yusuke to accidentally reveal it at some point.”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t go well,” Akira muttered. “I’ll text her.”


	11. Chapter 11

Futaba sighed blissfully. Finally! Internet access at last! He’d finally gotten his hands on his laptop again. It had been ages since he’d been disconnected for so long. Not counting those periods where he had been asleep/in a coma. But he still remembered that moderation was the key. Like a starving man suddenly confronted by a banquet, he could easily choke on the excessive data at his fingertips if he wasn’t careful. He’d have to set strict rules for himself, so he didn’t burn out. In bed by five; no later!

Futaba was interrupted from his self-congratulations on his restraint by his, or rather Yusuke’s, phone buzzing. He flipped it open with distaste, to see a message from Akira.

_Is clown porn a thing?_

He snorted, texting back quickly. _Of course it’s a thing; have you seen the internet? Every kind of porn exists!_

_Sure. But have you actually seen clown porn?_

_Not on purpose. But yeah, I have._

_Oh, good._

_Why?_

_Well, Yusuke was thinking of becoming a clown porn star, and I was hoping you could give him some tips._

Futaba nearly dropped the phone. _You better be trolling!_

_I am. :)_

_Jeez! You can’t make those kinds of jokes about Inari! He’s capable of anything._

_True. Do you think he’d be a good clown porn star in his own body?_

_...I guess? I mean, he’s not ugly._

_Breaking news! Futaba Sakura admits that her boyfriend isn’t ugly!_

_He’s not my boyfriend!_

_Friend you exchange sexy pics with, then._

Futaba ground his teeth. _Whatever! Why are you asking about clown porn?_

_Oh yeah. Yusuke got a job as a clown. That’s sort of what sparked the discussion._

_...Haha. You’re hilarious._

_Nope, not joking this time. Remember how we planned to help Yusuke by giving him a “job”? Well, this is it. Check it out._

Below the message was a picture of herself in white face paint, bright overalls and a big red nose. She was framing a balloon animal with her fingers, in typical Inari fashion.

Futaba stared blankly at the picture for a moment, before beginning to type again. _Is it weird that I think I actually look pretty good?_

_Yes. Yes, that’s very weird, Ms. Clown Porn._

_I’m not saying it’s sexy! It just looks...I dunno. Wacky. Fun. I don’t hate it!_

_Oh. Then...are you okay with Yusuke doing this?_

_I mean, Inari’s just going to be doing goofy stuff, yeah? He’s not turning me into a Juggalo or something. Right?_

_I am 100% certain Yusuke doesn’t even know what a Juggalo is. Literally all he’s going to be doing is hanging out, making balloon animals, and pulling funny faces._

_That’s fine, then. Honestly, that might keep him from doing worse stuff with my body._

_Great! I’ll give him the good news. Thanks, Futaba._

* * *

“Damn it, Ann,” Ryuji muttered, staring down at the outfit spread across the bed. “You could’ve told me I’d hafta wear a freaking swimsuit!”

“It’s not a big deal!” Ann said dismissively. “I mean, this isn’t even that different from the one I wore to the beach!”

“There’s a huge difference! _You_ were the one wearing it!” Ryuji retorted.

“Oh, don’t be a baby! Now hurry up and get dressed.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryuji sighed. They’d come directly from school to Ryuji’s house to get ready, as it was closer to the shoot. Apparently, this was part of a “Summer Fun” spread, which seemed to mostly involve hot girls in bathing suits playing volleyball. “Am I really gonna have to wear this there?”

“You can wear a coat over it. I’ve got a big one. You won’t get cold.”

“Being cold’s not what I’m worried about,” Ryuji muttered. She waited for a minute. “So...you gonna leave?”

“Why?” Ann asked, confused.

“Whaddya mean, why? I can’t change in front of you!”

“Why not? It’s my body!” Ann asked incredulously. “Could even put this on by yourself?”

“Of course I could! I mean, you just gotta...tie the…” Ryuji trailed off. “Uh. I mean, I’ll figure it out!”

“Yeah right! If you do it, it’ll probably fall off!” Ann said dismissively. “C’mon, let me…” She stopped. “Wait. Are those the same clothes from yesterday?”

“Well, yeah,” Ryuji said uncomfortably. “You told me not to change.”

“That was before I knew we’d be like this for a month! You’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days?”

“Well, what else was I supposed to do? You’d have been mad if I changed.”

Ann sighed. “Oh my god, Ryuji! You can’t go to a shoot all sweaty and gross! C’mon, let’s go take a shower.”

“What!?” Ryuji exclaimed. “You too?”

“I gotta make sure you do it right! You can’t just scrub your armpits, you know.”

“I’m-I’m not getting into the shower with you! That’s-that’s-!”

“What’s the big deal?” Ann asked, blushing slightly. “You got to the bathhouse with Yusuke and Akira all the time.”

“Yeah, cause they’re guys!”

“Well, so am I. Right now,” Ann said firmly. “God, don’t be weird about this!”

“I don’t want you to see me naked!”

“I’ve already showered as you!”

“Yeah, but...I wasn’t me!”

“What does that even mean? Here, just hold still,” Ann said, grabbing her jacket.

“Hey! Let go!” Ryuji complained, trying to shake him off.

“Knock it off! You’re gonna rip it!”

“Don’t just strip me! What the hell, man?”

“There we go!” Ann said, tossing the jacket on the bed. “Now let me get these buttons…”

Ryuji sighed, but sat down on the bed, letting him work on her shirt.

“Ryuji? You home?” a voice called. Seconds later, before either of them could react, Ryuji’s mom appeared in the doorway. “Oh! I’m sorry!” she said, shocked.

“Mom!” Ryuji blurted out. “What are you doing here?”

“I...I got off early,” she said uncertainly, looking from Ann to Ryuji. “Hello Ann. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Wait! This-this isn’t what it looks like!” Ann said frantically.

“Yeah! We were just gonna take a shower!” Ryuji said quickly. Ann winced.

“Well, don’t let me stop you!” Ryuji’s mom said briskly. “I’m just...heading to the store! I’ll-I’ll be awhile! I’ll text you when I’m on my way home. Don’t forget what’s under the sink!” She wink broadly to Ann, before leaving.

Ryuji groaned. ”Moooom!”

“Stop calling her Mom!” Ann hissed, waiting until he heard the front door close. When he was certain she was gone, he buried his face into the covers. “God! Now your mom really does think we’re dating!”

“Well, why else would a guy be stripping off a girl’s clothes! On his bed!” Ryuji said angrily.

“Ugh! How the heck am I gonna talk to your mom after we switch back? I won’t even be able to look her in the face!” Ann shook her head. “Whatever. We gotta hurry if you’re gonna make it to the shoot.”


	12. Chapter 12

“I’m sorry I’m late!” Makoto said tiredly, collapsing into the booth. “I just got off work.”

Akira studied him. “Are you feeling okay? You look awful,” she said worriedly.

“I’m alright. I’m just having some trouble keeping up with your schedule,” Makoto said with a sigh. “I didn’t think my own life was particularly easy, but yours...I had no idea how busy you were!”

“I manage,” Akira said with a shrug. “Maybe you should cut back on some things if you’re having trouble.”

Makoto shook her head. “I can’t. I wouldn’t want to ruin your life! I just don’t understand how you juggle so many jobs.”

“What do you mean?”

Makoto gave her a look. “In the short time I have been you, I’ve worked at a convenience store, a beef bowl place, a flower shop, and a model gun store. Not to mention the work I’ve done at Leblanc. How do you manage five jobs?”

“Well, technically, I have seven jobs,” Akira said distractedly. “How’d you learn about them, anyways?”

“What do you mean? They texted me your shifts!”

“Wait. You’ve been showing up for all of those?”

“...Yes? You typically have to show up to your job if you want to keep it.”

“Oh, Makoto!” Akira said in distress. “No wonder you're exhausted! I’m sorry, I should have explained. I only work at most of those places when I have the time and energy to do so. I don’t do all of them regularly!”

Makoto stared at her stupidly. “What? You just...tell them you can’t come?”

“Actually, I usually don’t text them back at all. I just don’t show up! Leblanc’s different, obviously, since I live there. And Iwai doesn’t exactly pay me in money, so that relationship’s a little more complicated…”

“How can you just not show up?” Makoto said, outraged. “Wouldn’t they fire you?”

Akira smiled. “Makoto, no one wants most of these jobs. They’re pretty awful! I got hired over the phone for some of them without an interview! They can’t keep anyone working there. The fact that I’ll show up once in a while to work a shift and do a good job practically makes me employee of the month.”

Makoto closed his eyes. “I...see. I’ll admit, I did wonder how you accomplished all this while also dealing with your schoolwork. Seven jobs?”

Akira nodded. “I also work at a bar in Shinjuku sometimes.”

“You work in a bar?” Makoto repeated sternly.

“I don’t handle alcohol, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just clean up and talk with customers.”

“It still seems like a strange job for a high school student,” Makoto said with a sigh. “What’s the seventh, then?”

“I’m a campaign worker for an aspiring Diet member.”

Makoto’s eyebrows lifted. “That...also seems like a strange job for a high school student to have.”

Akira shrugged. “I’ve learned a lot from him. And I believe in his ideals.”

“That’s rather admirable.”

“I guess. Anyways, don’t bother showing up for work anymore. Iwai will understand, and I don’t care about the other jobs. You only need to worry about Leblanc.”

Makoto bit his lip. “Yes...about that…”

“Oh no,” Akira groaned. “What did Sojiro ask you to do?”

“At first, he just wanted me to wash some dishes. Which was fine! But then he asked me to brew some coffee. And…”

“You’ve never made coffee before?”

“Not like that! We just have a machine at home. I’ve never used a siphon!”

“So it was bad.”

“Undrinkable.” Makoto shook his head and sighed. “It didn’t help that I was exhausted. I’m sorry to bother you, but could you come over soon and show me how to make coffee?”

“Sure. I don’t want Sojiro to think I’ve forgotten everything he taught me.”

“Thank you.” Makoto summoned the waitress and ordered drinks for them both, before returning his attention to Akira. “Any trouble with my life?”

“Not really. I haven’t seen much of your sister, actually. She’s been spending most of her time at work.”

“Yes. That’s...been the case, lately,” Makoto said sadly.

“Student council hasn’t been going too bad though,” Akira said, trying to cheer him up. “I think I’m starting to get a handle on it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Earlier today, I broke up a fight!”

Makoto frowned. “There was a fight?”

“Yeah, between two volleyball players. Not sure what started it, but they started brawling in the student council room.”

“What did you do?”

“Knocked them both out.”

“What?”

“I’m kidding. I just shoved them apart, and made them sit down and watch Yusuke make balloon animals. I think they were too confused to keep fighting after that.”

Makoto covered his eyes. “Please tell me you bought Yusuke some normal balloons.”

“...I mean, that seems like a bit of a waste…”

“Akira!”

“The fact that they’re condoms adds to the charm!” Akira protested. “It’s for school spirit!” She pulled out a small plastic square. “Watch, I’ll show you. Yusuke was teaching me how to do it.”

“Don’t blow that up here!” Makoto hissed. “Why are you even carrying a condom?”

“Well. Better safe than sorry.”

“Wait. What’s that supposed to mean?”

Akira sighed. “C’mon, Makoto. You can’t tell me you’re not a little bit interested.”

“...I don’t like what you’re implying. You haven’t…”

“No, of course not. I’d never do it without your permission.” Akira’s mouth curved into a wicked smile. “Unlike you with Becky.”

“I didn’t have sex with her!” Makoto said too loudly. He quickly glanced around, mortified, before continuing in a lower voice. “I told you, she only gave me a bath.”

“I believe you,” Akira said with a chuckle. “Becky wouldn’t do that. And even if she would, you wouldn’t. Haru just misunderstood.”

“Exactly,” Makoto said with some relief. “I would never use your body in such a way without your consent.”

Akira’s smile morphed into a thoughtful expression. “I see,” she said contemplatively. “So. If you did have my consent…”

“Wait. No!” Makoto said quickly. “That’s-that’s not what I meant! I’m-”

“To tell you the truth, I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” Akira continued casually. “I’ve been noticing guys a lot more since I got your body. I mean, I think I’ve always been a bit bi, but I can definitely tell the difference. I was looking at some of the pictures we took when we all went to the beach, and man. Ryuji’s abs…” She whistled.

“Stop that!”

“I’m just saying, I’d love to hit the gym with him again and see him in action. Except Ann’s in his body right now, and the odds of seeing her in a gym are slim.”

“Don’t be strange.”

Akira cocked her head. “Are you seriously telling me you aren’t noticing anyone differently now?”

Involuntarily, Makoto’s mind flashed back to seeing Ms. Kawakami dressed as a maid. She felt her face grow warm, and lifted her hands as if to hide it. “That’s...it’s purely hormonal!” she said firmly. “It’s-it’s not as though I can control it!”

“I’m not upset!” Akira said exasperatedly. “Just curious. What do you think when you see me?”

“Like, in the mirror?”

“No, I mean me in your body. Am I attractive?”

Makoto started. “What? No, I don’t find myself attractive.”

“Huh. I hope this doesn’t mean that I’m a narcissist.”

“Wait. Are you saying that-that I’m…”

Akira shrugged. “I’d be lying if I said you weren't handsome. It may sound arrogant, but I think my body looks pretty good. Or maybe you just wear it well.”

“Oh,” Makoto said, confused. It seemed like there might be a compliment in there somewhere, but she was too puzzled to figure out where. “I...suppose you don’t look bad in my body either. You definitely look more relaxed than I can remember being.”

“Relaxed,” Akira said pensively, as their drinks arrived. “Well, I’ll take it.” She sipped at her soda slowly.

“Anyways,” Makoto said, eager to change the subject. “Would you be willing to come to Leblanc after this?”

“Sure, I’m free for a coffee lesson.”

“Perfect,” Makoto said in relief. “Sojiro said he’d be out this afternoon, so it should be just the two of us.”

“With no chaperone?” Akira said, gasping in faux-shock. “Goodness, Mr. Niijima! Just what are you planning to do to me?”

Makoto buried his face in his hands.


	13. Chapter 13

“Ugh. I can’t believe the only workout clothes Ann’s got is her freaking P.E. uniform,” Ryuji muttered, looking down at herself. “Then again, when the hell else does she even work out?” 

Restless, and with nothing to do on a Saturday morning, Ryuji had decided to head to the gym. Even if it wasn’t her body, she still missed the routine she’d just begun to settle back into when the switch had occurred. “Man. I’m gonna be so out-of-shape when we switch back!” she complained loudly to herself, stepping onto a treadmill. “No way Ann’s been training.”

She’d thought about asking Ann what he was doing before heading over here but had decided against it. Apart from the fact that Ann would probably try and convince her to go get crepes or something instead, she’d been seeing him a ton lately. Frankly, she could use a break! Ann came over before every shoot to help her get dressed, and usually ate with her after. He almost spent as much time just hanging around his old apartment as he did when he had had his own body! Thankfully, he hadn’t insisted on showering together after the first time.

Ryuji blushed remembering it. God, that had been so effing awkward! Logically, she knew that seeing her own naked body shouldn’t be that weird. But it was still Ann in there! Hell, just showering as Ann was bad enough, without him there, critiquing the way she scrubbed. At one point, he’d even taken the scrub right out of her hand and began washing her! What the hell? No way that was normal, even among girls. Right?

This whole situation was so messed up. Normally, she’d be thrilled to be in the shower with a hot girl. But not if she was the hot girl! The whole time, while Ann was droning on about proper hygiene, all she could think about was how close he was. How the water was running down his chest and his abs. How, if Ann had shifted just a little, he could press her against the shower wall, and…

Okay, time to stop remembering this! Especially in public. Ryuji angrily punched up the speed, determined to push herself hard enough that she didn’t have the energy to think too hard. After a shower like that, the actual photoshoot had seemed pretty tame. Ryuji’d been afraid of being harassed and groped, but honestly, the photographers were so businesslike giving their instructions that she wasn’t even that bothered. She’d done several shoots since then, and if nobody had actually praised her work, at least nobody had complained either. Honestly, that was the most she could hope for.

“Mind if I join you?” a male voice asked. A boy, about her own age, had stepped onto the treadmill next to her.

Ryuji looked around. The gym was pretty empty, and there were plenty of open treadmills. “Uh. Sure, dude,” she said, shrugging slightly. Maybe the guy liked running next to someone for extra motivation. “Knock yourself out!”

“Thanks!” The boy started the treadmill, and began jogging at an easy pace. “You go to Shujin, right?”

“Yeah. How’d you-oh, the uniform!” Ryuji said, slapping her forehead. “Shit. Forgot I was wearing it.”

“I’ve seen you around before, too. I’m a third year there.”

Ryuji studied the guy for a moment. “Oh, yeah! You’re Haruto!” she said in recognition. “From the track team, right?”

Haruto’s eyes widened in surprise. “Uh, yeah. Surprised you remembered.”

“Oh, uh. Ryuji talks about you guys a lot.”

“You’re friends with Sakamoto?”

“Yeah. Well, we knew each other in middle school. So…” Ryuji shrugged.

Haruto sighed. “Yeah. I’m glad the team’s getting back together, but I’ll probably graduate before there are any big meets.”

Ryuji felt a familiar stab of guilt. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s not your fault. Hell, it’s not even Sakamoto’s fault, really. Could’ve been any one of us who snapped, the way Kamoshida was treating us.” Haruto shook his head. “I’m just glad that shit’s done, you know?”

“Totally,” Ryuji agreed. “You guys were awesome! Hope you still get to run after graduating, man.”

“Uh, thanks!” Haruto said, smiling slightly. “Hey, wanna grab some food after this? My treat.”

“Really?” Ryuji said enthusiastically. “Sure, let’s do it!”

* * *

They didn’t end up working out much longer. Ann’s body had way less stamina then her own did, and she was hungry. After showering and getting dressed in normal clothes, she and Haruto headed to the dinner. “You cool with me getting a steak?” she asked Haruto. “Protein is, like, the best thing after a workout.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Haruto said with a nod. “Kind of a relief, actually. Thought you might just order a salad, and make me feel like an idiot for getting a real meal.”

Ryuji snorted. “Not likely!” Neither she nor Ann were really light eaters. And for all that he loved sweets, Ann certainly enjoyed a good steak. “It’s not like you can bulk up on just veggies!”

“Is bulking up something you’re trying to do?” Haruto asked quizzically.

“Oh. Uh, kind of? Just, for my job, you know?” she said with a nervous laugh. “Gotta stay in shape!”

“Oh yeah. You’re a model, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“How is it? Being a model?”

“Uh,” Ryuji said awkwardly. ‘Boring’ was probably not an answer Ann wanted her to give. “Cool, I guess. Nice clothes, hot girls. Pay’s not bad.”

“Hot girls?” Haruto repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah man!” Ryuji said enthusiastically, before remembering she was supposed to be Ann. “Uh. I mean, hot is hot, right? Even girls can appreciate good-looking girls.”

“I...guess?” Haruto said uncertainly. “Anyways, you ready to order?”

After they’d gotten their food, Ryuji and Haruto continued to chat amiably. She hadn’t really known Haruto too well when they were both on the track team. But as it turned out, he was a pretty funny guy! Ryuji nearly sprayed food out of her mouth laughing at some of the shit he said. “Jeez, man,” she said, still chuckling. “That’s effed up! She threw away your backpack?”

Haruto nodded ruefully. “With all my stuff inside. Hell of a way to break up with somebody, huh?”

“Man. Sounds like you were lucky to get out of that shit!” Ryuji shook her head, bewildered. “Seriously. You still single?”

Haruto blushed slightly. “Uh. Yeah, that’s right. Just haven’t met the right girl, I guess.”

“That sucks,” Ryuji said sympathetically. “You're a really cool guy!”

“Thanks,” Haruto said nervously. “And you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you single?”

Ryuji briefly pictured Ann, before shaking her head as if to dispel it. “Yeah, I am too.” Ann would be pissed if she started spreading rumors about him being in a relationship. It was bad enough that her mom thought they were dating.

“Oh. Cool,” Haruto said, relief coloring his voice for some reason.

“Ann?” a familiar voice called. A thin, blue-haired boy approached their booth with a curious expression on his face.

Ryuji smiled. “Hey Fu-Yusuke! What are you doing here?”

“I was just picking up some stuff from home. Thought I’d refuel before heading back,” Futaba explained, staring at Haruto. “Who’s this?”

“This is Haruto! One of the guys I-Ryuji used to run with.”

“Nice to meet you,” Haruto said, nodding. “Are you a friend of Ann’s?”

“Yep,” Futaba said curtly. “I’m gonna borrow Ann for a sec. Okay?” Without waiting for an answer, she tugged on Ryuji’s arm. Confused, Ryuji followed her into the hall that led to the bathrooms.

“Okay,” Futaba said exasperatedly, once they were out of earshot. “Does Ann know you’re doing this? Cause if you guys wanna explore, cool. But doing it without permission is kinda messed up.”

“Doing what?” Ryuji asked, confused.

“Going on a date with some guy.”

“What?!” Ryuji exclaimed. “That’s-that’s not what’s happening!”

Futaba sighed. “I told you, all guys that turn into girls do this in stories like this! First, they spend all their time checking out their new bodies. Then, they get curious how sex would feel as a girl…”

“As if!” Ryuji said angrily. “I’m just having lunch with a guy, jeez! I don’t wanna-do that!”

Futaba made a skeptical noise. “So, you're not the kind of girl who puts out on a first date, huh?”

“It’s not a date!”

“Then who’s paying for it?”

Ryuji opened her mouth, before closing it again. Huh. It was kinda odd that Haruto had offered to pay for lunch, considering that he and Ann didn’t really know each other. And he had seemed pretty interested in whether or not she was single. “Oh crap!” Ryuji said, covering her mouth.

“Yeah,” Futaba said tiredly. “It’s a date, alright. I can’t believe that a shut-in is better at figuring this stuff out then you are.”

“Oh, shut up! It’s not like I’m used to people asking me out on dates.”

“I guess it’s true that you don’t have any charm, normally.”

Ryuji swore. “How the hell am I gonna get out of this? I already told him I was single!”

“Why not just leave?”

“I can’t do that! He’ll think that I’m a total bitch!”

“So what?” Futaba asked with a shrug.

“He’s a nice guy! And I don’t want Ann to hafta deal with him giving her the stink eye because of something I did.”

Futaba hummed thoughtfully. “I may have an idea about how to get you out of this. But you gotta follow my lead, okay?”

Ryuji nodded uncertainly, and let Futaba dragged her back to the table. “Sorry about that!!” he said cheerfully to Haruto. “But I’ve gotta steal Ann. She’s my best model!”

“You’re a photographer?” Haruto asked skeptically.

“Uh. He’s a painter!” Ryuji injected, eager to play along. “Yusuke's a student at Kosei. I model for him sometimes.”

“Yep. Ann’s one of the best nude models I know!” Futaba said cheerfully. Haruto’s jaw dropped as he continued. “She’s got the perfect body for it, and she’s always willing to take direction. Honestly, she spoils me.”

Ryuji felt her face grow warm. “Y-you’re just flattering me,” she said through gritted teeth. “Really, most of it’s pretty normal.”

“I think your definition of normal is pretty warped, Ann!” Futaba said gleefully. “I’m pretty sure that most models would call the cops if I asked them to do some of the stuff you do!”

“What kind of stuff?” Haruto asked urgently, leaning forward.

Ryuji forced out a laugh. “He’s-he’s just teasing. Anyways, we’ve got to go now. Right?”

“Right you are!” Futaba said happily. “Sorry to interrupt your date.”

“Oh! No, it wasn’t-we aren’t” Haruto said hurriedly, stumbling over his words.

“Haruto is just a friend,” Ryuji said firmly, jabbing Futaba in the side with an elbow. “I’m sorry I’ve gotta run.”

“No, it’s cool. See you around?” Haruto asked hopefully.

“Sure, man,” Ryuji said, pasting on a smile. “See ya!”

Once they were outside, Ryuji turned to Futaba angrily. “Why?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“You didn’t have to say it was nude modeling!”

“I was just trying to stay in-character for Yusuke,” Futaba said, unconcerned. “Besides, it was funny.”

“For you, maybe! Now he’s gonna think I just let guys see me naked.”

“I’ll bet you have.”

Ryuji was silent for a moment. Futaba crowed, punching the air. “Called it! It was Ann, wasn’t it?”

“It’s not like that!” she protested. “We were just showering.”

“Holy crap! You guys did it in the shower?”

“No! God, why’re you the biggest pervert in our group?

“Internet,” Futaba said promptly. “Seriously, though. If you are gonna do it with a guy, Ann’s the best choice. Both because you’ll definitely have permission, and you’ll get to find out if you’re any good at sex.”

“I’m not gonna have sex!” Ryuji said irritably. “I don’t like guys!”

“Care to bet on that?”

“What do you mean?”

“I bet that you end up doing it with a guy before we switch back. Loser owes the other sushi.”

“Can you even pay for that? Yusuke’s broke.”

“After we switch back, obviously! Is it a deal?”

Ryuji sighed. “Fine. But you better not try and guilt-trip me to get out of it when I win!”

“No need to worry about that,” Futaba said gloatingly.


	14. Chapter 14

“So,” Morgana said pensively. “This is the place.” She checked the card Takakura had given her again, just to make sure this was the right address. The building in front of them was not particularly ostentatious. Indeed, it didn’t look too different from an office building. “Nice and subtle. Good.”

“Wait. Where’s Haru?” Akira asked, frowning. Responding to Morgana’s text to meet up after school, they had all gathered in front of the building. “Wasn’t she with you today, Morgana?”

“She has an essay to finish,” Morgana said with a shrug. “I just dropped her off at home. It’s not like I can do her homework for her.”

“Wait. How is she going to type up an essay as a cat?” Makoto wondered.

Morgana scoffed. “I already took care of that! Ever hear of voice recognition? Haru just has to talk, and the words will appear on the screen! Like with the Nav!”

“There’s no way that’ll work!” Futaba said dismissively. “To anyone who isn't us, she just sounds like a cat!”

“Oh. Uh,” Morgana said, deflated. “Well...she’ll figure something out!”

Makoto sighed. “Anyways. You said that you may have found a new hideout we could use?”

Morgana nodded. “Yeah. A place with no cameras, and no worries about being spied on. It’ll cost money, but I think being able to meet up privately might be worth it.”

“Having a backup for Leblanc is probably a good idea,” Akira conceded. “Let’s check it out.”

Morgana led the way into the lobby, where a well-dressed woman sitting behind the counter was typing away at a computer. She raised an eyebrow upon seeing a group of teenagers enter. “I believe you are lost,” she said frostily. “If you have no business here, I must ask you to leave.”

“Wow, great service,” Ryuji muttered, before Ann elbowed her.

“Hello. I am Haru Okumura!” Morgana said cheerfully, offering her I.D. “I’d like to rent a room, please!”

The woman’s eyes widened upon hearing the name, and she slowly reached out to take the card. “One moment,” she said cautiously, before disappearing in the back.

“I feel like we’re not supposed to be here,” Ann said worriedly. “Do you see the way she was looking at us?”

“I blame Inari!” Futaba complained. “Why are you still dressed like a clown?”

“I departed from Shujin at the same time the others did. I did not have time to return home and change,” Yusuke said with a shrug. “In any event, how did you come to learn about this place, Morgana?”

“From the Okumura president. He said that Haru’s father used to have private meetings here.”

“Like, business meetings?” Ann asked questioningly.

Makoto shook her head. “More likely illicit meetings. Company business could be conducted in restaurants and offices. For illegal activities, it would make sense that they would want somewhere they could discuss things in complete privacy.”

The woman returned, handing Morgana back her card. “My apologies, Miss Okumura. How many rooms will you be needing?”

“Just one, thank you!” Morgana said happily.

The woman looked at the seven of them curiously. “I...see. Well, in that case, might I suggest the penthouse? It is the largest room available.”

“Perfect! We’ll take it!” Morgana said with a smile.

“Wait. This is a hotel?” Akira asked quietly, as they shuffled into the elevator.

“Yes? Why?”

Akira grinned. It was odd to see such a Joker-esque expression on Makoto’s face. “Oh, no reason.”

The reason for Akira’s mirth became apparent as soon as they opened the penthouse door. The room, though spacious, was dominated by a large bed. As the others filed into the room, they each gave the bed a second glance, instantly realizing where they were.

All of them except for Morgana of course. “Wow. That’s a big bed!” she said, impressed. She sat down on the edge of it. “Too bad there aren’t many chairs, though. We’ll just have to sit here.”

“I’m not getting in bed with you!” Ryuji blurted out.

“Well. Now we know what sort of meetings Haru’s father was having here,” Akira said, still grinning.

“What do you mean?” Morgana asked, bouncing slightly.

“This is a love hotel, you stupid cat!” Futaba said irritably. “Why’d you bring us here? Were you hoping for an orgy or something?”

“What’s an orgy?”

“Enough of that, please!” Makoto said, red-faced. “Morgana. Do you know what a love hotel is?”

Morgana shook her head. “Isn’t this just a fancy hotel? Like the Wilton?”

“Not...quite,” Makoto said awkwardly. "A love hotel is...well. It’s more-”

“It’s where people sleep together!” Ryuji said angrily. “Seriously, what the hell, man?”

“Oh. Well, I didn’t know!” Morgana said indignantly. “Anyways, it’s not like we still can’t use it! No one will bother us here.”

“He’s got a point,” Ann mused. “It’s not like there is a rule you can’t do anything else here.”

Ryuji jerked. “What? You’re okay with this?”

Ann shrugged. “I mean, yeah? It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s totally a big deal! That lady at the front saw us all come in together! That means she thinks we're all doing it!”

“You get used to people thinking stuff like that,” Ann said, rolling his eyes. “Even before Kamoshida, everybody always thought I was having sex if I was meeting someone alone, just because of the way I looked. You just have to ignore them.”

“This is a little different! There’s seven of us! I mean, Yusuke’s dressed up like a freaking clown!”

“Are these condoms free?” Yusuke asked, rummaging through the dresser drawers. “I’m beginning to run low.”

“Wait. What the hell have you been using condoms for?” Futaba asked, horrified.

“For entertaining the students of Shujin. Mostly male volleyball members, so far.”

“What? What kind of hentai-”

“He’s just been making balloon animals!” Makoto said hurriedly. “He’s been using condoms because he doesn’t have real balloons.”

“...Oh,” Futaba said slowly. “Okay, that’s actually hilarious. Make a giraffe!”

“As you wish,” Yusuke said solemnly, ripping open a package.

Makoto sighed. “Thankfully, I don’t think we need to worry about anyone learning that we were here. A love hotel for the rich and famous would prize itself on discretion.”

“So. We all agree that this is a good alternative to Leblanc?” Akira asked gleefully.

“Hell no!” Ryuji said hotly.

“What’s the matter, Ryuji? Afraid Ann might jump you?” Futaba asked gloatingly.

“What?” Ann asked, confused.

“Shut up!” Ryuji said hurriedly, turning red. “Nobody’s gonna do that shit.”

“Do what?”

“Do...you know. Sex, while we’re like this.”

“I don’t know about that,” Akira said calmly. “Makoto and I were talking about it the other day.”

“No, we weren’t! ” Makoto said, flustered. “I mean, we both agreed that we wouldn’t do anything so serious without the other’s permission. But that doesn’t mean that we were planning to do anything!”

“It would be an interesting experience,” Yusuke said thoughtfully. “Futaba, would you be-”

“Nope!”

“Very well. Then perhaps-”

“Not with anyone else either!”

“Disappointing. But I understand.” Yusuke went back to blowing into a condom.

“You guys are such children!” Morgana scoffed

“Says the guy who didn’t know what a freaking love hotel was!” Ryuji shot back. “Seriously, this isn't how I thought my first time would go.”

“Your first time?” Ann asked, raising an eyebrow.

“First time going to a love hotel!” Ryuj corrected hurriedly. “Not-gah. Not the other thing.”

“Oh? Were you picturing something more...sensual?” Ann asked, trying to sound seductive.

Ryuji laughed. “Dude. That’d sound ridiculous even if you were in your own body.”

“Oh yeah. Guess that doesn’t really work as a guy,” Ann said, smiling. “I have to be more aggressive.”

He cleared his throat, before abruptly grabbing Ryuji’s shoulders. “Sakamoto-kun!” he said in a deep voice. “Please! I can’t wait any longer! I need you!”

“Wha-what?” Ryuji spluttered.

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Please, be mine!” Ann waited for a beat, before stepping back. “How’s that?” he asked brightly. “Better, right?”

After a second, Ryuji nodded silently. Her face was bright red. “Critical hit!” Futaba cackled quietly. “I give it a week.”


	15. Chapter 15

Futaba lifted his eyes from his new phone, to catch the girl looking away hurriedly again. That was the third time! What did she even want?

Frustrated with Yusuke’s antique of a phone, he had begged Akira for the money to get a new one. After a few vigorous rounds of negotiation that had eventually dragged in Makoto, Morgana, and Haru as well, he’d finally won the right to buy something less ancient, on the condition that Yusuke be allowed to keep it when they swapped back. Futaba had no problem with this; no one should have to suffer using a flip phone in this day and age. Not even Inari!

Picking out something decent but inexpensive from Akihabara had taken most of the afternoon. Now, he was on his way home, setting up the phone while waiting at the subway station. That’s when he had noticed the girl watching him.

She was pretty average-looking. Black hair, short, kinda bookish. If she hadn’t kept staring at him, he probably wouldn’t give her a second glance. But the fact that she was watching him made him deeply uncomfortable. Just because he’d gotten slightly more comfortable going out on his own didn’t mean he liked random strangers paying attention to him!

This time, he only pretended to be studying his phone, waiting until the girl looked at him again. “What?” he said exasperatedly, lowering his phone and glaring at her. “What do you want?”

The girl gasped. “Oh! I’m sorry!” she said hastily. “I-I didn’t mean to bother you!”

“If you’ve got something to say, then say it!” Futaba said grumpily. Irritation was surprisingly good at suppressing his social anxiety. At least, in the moment.

“Um. It’s just-we’re in the same class, Kitagawa.” the girl said shyly. “At Kosei? I was hoping you’d know what the homework was.”

“Oh,” said Futaba, feeling foolish. Now that he looked, the girl definitely was wearing a Kosei uniform. Well. Add this to the pile of social interactions he’d utterly failed at doing correctly. “Well, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, we don’t know each other all that well,” the girl said, biting her lip. “And you’re rather...intimidating,”

“Me? Intimidating?” Futaba said in disbelief.

The girl blushed. “Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t trying to insult you! It’s just, you’re so tall, and elegant, and handsome.”

“You think I’m handsome?” Futaba asked, cocking her head.

“Ah!” The girl’s hands flew to her mouth. “I didn’t mean to say that! I-sorry!” She bowed hurriedly, before scampering away.

Futaba blinked, watching her go. Wait. Had that girl...had a crush on him? Or rather, Inari? Was that why she’d had such trouble speaking to him? “Talk about terrible taste!” he said with a laugh. Anybody who’d like that weirdo romantically would have to have brain damage!

Well. She’d mostly talked about his looks, which weren’t terrible. Futaba could definitely understand somebody mistaking Inari for being elegant just by looking at him. They hadn’t seen him show up to the diner soaking wet because he’d forgotten to bring an umbrella. Or wolfing down a hamburger as though someone was going to snatch it away from him. Futaba sighed at the memory. They hadn’t had dinner together in awhile. Maybe he should see if Yusuke wanted to get something to eat.

* * *

It was definitely odd seeing Sojiro like this. As soon as he’d walked into the coffee shop, he’d greeted her with only a nod. Futaba felt a lump in her throat. He really missed seeing Sojiro every day. “Good day,” he said, doing his best imitation of Yusuke. “Is Futaba upstairs?”

“Think she’s chatting with Akira, yeah,” Sojiro said, glancing towards the stairs. “Before you head on up, though? Have some coffee.”

“Oh, thanks!” Futaba said enthusiastically.

He watched eagerly as Sojiro poured the cup. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Futaba recently,” he said idly.

“Uh...I guess so,” Futaba said, frowning. Honestly, he already spent a lot of time hanging out with Yusuke before the switch. Inari could be annoying, but he was also easy to talk to. “Is that bad?”

“No, it’s not bad,” Sojiro said, setting down the cup in front of him. “Not necessarily, anyways. She likes you. A lot.”

“...Not a lot,” Futaba said uncomfortably. “Just...you know. A normal amount.”

Sojiro shook his head. “I may have a hard time understanding her, but I can tell that much. Her face lights up whenever she sees you.”

“...Like recently? Or…”

“For a while now,” Sojiro said, staring at him calmly. “You two get along well.”

“I mean, that’s true. But...I really don’t think it’s anything special,” Futaba said nervously, picking up the cup. Where was Sojiro getting all this? His face didn’t ‘light up’ when he saw Inari! He’d have definitely noticed something like that.

Sojiro smiled slightly. “I’m not accusing you of anything. Here to take Futaba out to dinner?”

“...Uh, kinda,” Futaba said, sweating a bit. Damn, that did sound kind of date-ish! This was way more awkward to do as a guy! “Y’know, she treats me all the time. Thought I should pay her back.”

“I see,” Sojio said, nodding amicably. “You know, if money’s tight, you might try making dinner at home. Sharing a home-cooked meal can make for a wonderful atmosphere.”

“Uh. I’m not really good at cooking,” Futaba said with a nervous laugh. “Plus, I don’t have a kitchen or anything, so…”

“Yusuke?” a female voice asked. Yusuke came downstairs, with Makoto following closely behind. “My apologies, I didn't realize you’d arrived.”

“Since when did you get so formal?” Sojiro scoffed.

“Ah, yes,” Yusuke said, bowing slightly. “Thank you for the reminder.” She cleared her throat. “Yo,” she said, doing the slowest finger-guns Futaba had ever seen. “How you doing, dawg?”

Makoto sighed. Sojio just chuckled, and returned his attention to the dishes in the sink. Futaba gritted his teeth. “Fine, ‘dawg,’” he said icily. “You ready to go?”

“For sure, homie,” Yusuke said in a montone. “Akira, you rolling with us?”

“What? Oh, no,” Makoto said, distracted. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be!” Futaba said hurriedly. “It’s not like it’s private or something!”

Makoto shook his head. “No, I’ve got some studying to do. You two have fun.”

“Amen, brother,” Yusuke said, pounding her chest with a fist. “Let’s bounce.”

* * *

Once they were away from Leblanc, Futaba turned to her angrily. “Why were you talking like that? I don’t talk like that!” he said irritably.

“I thought it was a decent approximation,” Yusuke said defensively. “Sojiro has not remarked upon my impression. It is only when I fall into my natural speech patterns that he notices anything odd.”

“Yeah, that’s another thing. Have you said anything weird to him? About us?”

“About us?” Yusuke questioned. “I don’t believe so. Why?”

Futaba redden. “I...I think he thinks we’re dating. Which is ridiculous,” he added hurriedly. “I mean, just because we hang out sometimes and eat dinner together, doesn’t mean we’re dating!”

Yusuke frowned. “Hmm,” she said pensively.

Futaba eyed her. “What?”

“Are we dating?” Yusuke asked slowly.

Futaba jerked. “No! Of course not!” he barked. “Why would we be dating?”

“Well, we often spend time together.”

“Because we’re friends!”

“Go to the movies together.”

“No one else is usually free!”

“Go to museums together.”

“You’re the one who invites me!”

“And frequently eat together, where you usually pay for the meal.”

“You-you eat with Ryuji sometimes,” Futaba said falteringly.

Yusuke smiled. “True. But Ryuji doesn’t pester me with texts at three in the morning. Ryuji doesn’t show me memes that remind him of me every time we meet. And Ryuji doesn’t send me erotic pictures.”

“That’s wasn’t erotic! It was blackmail!” Futaba insisted worriedly. “Don’t you think we’d know if we were dating?”

“I am not sure,” Yusuke said thoughtfully. “The mysteries of the heart remain elusive to me. Love is a difficult subject. Though one that certainly intrigues me.”

“Well...what about kissing?!” Futaba said challengingly. “It’s not like we’ve done anything like that! We haven’t done any romantic stuff at all!”

Yusuke considered this for a moment. “I would not mind kissing you,” she said finally. “You wear my face well. Do you find my rendition of you pleasing?”

“What?” Futaba yelped. “What are you-you’re just like Ryuji! Besides, I already told you no!”

“You told me that you would not sleep with me,” Yusuke corrected. “As well as that I was not permitted to sleep with anyone else. You did not mention kissing.” She reached out a hand, taking Futaba’s. “Is this something you are interested in experiencing?”

Futaba froze, staring down at the girl looking up calmly at him. He’d be lying if he said he’d never considered what it might feel like to kiss someone. But...here? Like this? With Inari? “I-” he said, hating the way his voice wavered. “I-um. I...don’t think I'm ready for that. Not yet.”

Yusuke nodded, unphased. “I understand. Please, do not feel as though you must do anything. Indeed, if the idea of dating me makes you uncomfortable, do not give it another thought. You are a dear friend to me, and I would not wish for anything to interfere with that.”

Futaba swallowed. “You-you’re my friend too. Even if you are annoying. So...can I think about this for a bit? Please?”

“Of course,” Yusuke said with a nod. “I am sorry if I’ve discomforted you.”

“Nah, you’re fine,” Futaba said, shaking his head. “Just...gotta work through all this, you know?” He sighed. “Anyways, you still up for getting dinner? My treat.”

“That sounds excellent,” Yusuke said, nodding.


	16. Chapter 16

Eiko popped her head into the student council room. “Hey Makoto? You here?”

Akira looked up from where she’d been arranging some papers. “Hi Eiko,” she said tiredly. “Something I can help you with?”

“Nah. It just feels like forever since we’ve hung out, ya’know?” Eiko said casually, coming inside and flopping down on the couch. “Tsukasa’s working today, so I thought I’d see if you wanted to do something.”

Akira shrugged. “Sure, I’m game. Just let me finish this stuff up.”

“You work way too hard, you know that?” Eiko complained, pulling out her phone. “I’m mean, I know you're like, a super-genius and stuff, but you’ve gotta have a life too!”

“You’re probably right,” Akria said, rubbing her eyes. Keeping up with all of Makoto’s work was incredibly stressful. While Makoto did all of his own homework, Akira still had to handle taking notes and answering questions in class. Not to mention all of the student council business. So far, she hadn’t messed up, but she wasn’t sure how long she could keep this up. A break would definitely be welcome. “Where do you want to go?”

Eiko shrugged. “I dunno. We could head to…” she trailed off, staring at Makoto’s bag. “OMG. Is that a condom?!”

Akira silently cursed to herself. “Uh, yeah,” she said awkwardly.

“Wow!” Eiko said admiringly. “I didn't know you and your boyfriend had gotten that far. I wasn’t even sure you guys were really dating!”

Akira sighed. “We-we haven’t done it yet. I just wanted to be prepared.”

“Oh. Still, that’s good!” Eiko said enthusiastically. “Tsukasa and I haven’t done it yet either.”

Makoto would probably be glad to hear that. If his suspicions about Tsukasa were true, the sooner Eiko broke up with him, the better. “He hasn’t pressured you about it, has he?” Akira asked, studying Eiko.

“Nah, nothing like that!” Eiko said dismissively. “What about Akira? I heard delinquent guys always want to do it pretty quickly.”

“No, he hasn’t said anything about it,” Akira said quickly.

“Uh oh. You don’t think...he’s not double-timing you, is he?” Eiko asked with a gasp. “Maybe he’s got another girl on the side!”

“I doubt it,” Akira assured her. “I just don’t think he’s ready yet.”

Eiko hummed. “Maybe. Orrrr...maybe you need to start being flirtier! You gotta show him you're interested!”

There was a knock at the door. “Makoto?” a voice called. “Are you in there?”

Eiko squealed. “There he is!” she said in an excited whisper. “Quick, be super affectionate!”

Akira rolled her eyes but grinned. Eiko’s energy was amusing. “In here, honey!” she called out sweetly.

Makoto opened the door slowly. “Honey?” he said, puzzled, before spotting Eiko. “Oh! Hello, Eiko.”

“Hi Akira!” Eiko said with a wave. “Makoto and I were just talking about going out somewhere! Want to come with?”

“Um. I might be able to,” Makoto said hesitantly. “Where were you thinking of going?”

“How about karaoke?” Akira asked brightly. “You know how much I love the sound of your voice.”

Eiko smiled widely. Makoto sighed, obviously picking up on Akira’s self-compliment. “Sure, that’s fine. Are you ready to go?”

“Just give me a moment, sweetheart!” Akira said mischievously, before darting forward. Before Makoto could react, she’d placed a light kiss on his cheek. “Just gotta put these papers away,” she continued, turning around and fiddling with the papers again.

Makoto gaped at her like a fish, before his face flushed red. “You-wha-” he spluttered. Eiko giggled, which seemed to shake him out of it. “Eiko,” he said, not looking away from Akira’s back. “Would you mind waiting outside?”

“No problem!” Eiko said cheerfully, skipping out and closing the door behind her.

Akira turned around, sitting on the edge on the table. “Something wrong, Makoto?” she asked innocently.

“What was that?” Makoto asked, still a little red. “Why-why did you-” He stopped, forcing himself to take a breath. “Why did you kiss me?” he repeated more calmly.

Akira shrugged. “Well, Eiko things we’re dating. And she was just insisting that I needed to be more bold. So…”

“So...it was for show?” Makoto asked carefully.

“Partially,” Akira said with a shrug. “I also felt like kissing you. You’re looking quite handsome today.”

“Wha-what kind of reason is that!?” Makoto asked indignantly.

Akira sighed. “Is it that big a deal, Makoto? It was a simple peck on the cheek. It’s not like I frenched you in front of Eiko.”

“I’d have socked you if you tried,” Makoto said irritably. “Just-don’t surprise me like that, okay?”

“Got it. I’ll let you know ahead of time when I plan to kiss you,” Akira said, giving a thumbs up.

“That’s not what I mean!” Makoto said exasperatedly. “Come on, let’s go. Eiko must be wondering what we’re doing in here.”

“Pretty sure she thinks we’re making out. Since you asked her to leave right after I kissed you.”

Makoto groaned. “Oh god. You might be right!”.

“Is the idea of kissing me really that awful?” Akira asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s not that. It’s just-that’s my body, you know!” Makoto said, gesturing to Akira. “I shouldn’t be attracted to it! So between your flirting and the dreams-” He froze, eyes widening in horror.

“Dreams?” Akira asked curiously.

“I-no! No dreams!” Makoto insisted, waving his hands. ”I-we should go!”

“Have you had dreams about me?” Akira said, grinning. “Sexy dream?”

“No!” Makoto said hotly. “Not-not sexy! I just-sometimes I-uh. Dream about kissing you. Kissing me. Oh god, this is so messed up.” He collapsed onto the couch, holding his head in his hands.

Akira patted his shoulder sympathetically. “Makoto, you shouldn’t worry so much. You’re in my body! Of course you’d be attracted to a good-looking girl.”

“...You think I’m good-looking?”

“I mean, yeah? I’m pretty sure everyone would agree. Especially now. Between your good looks and my innate charm, you’re looking at a bombshell.” Akira made an exaggerated sexy pose, complete with duck lips. Makoto couldn’t help but laugh.

“Seriously, you shouldn’t stress out about this,” Akira said more earnestly. “If it’s really bothering you so much, I’ll stop flirting.”

Makoto sighed. “No, you were right. You haven’t done anything really objectionable. And we do need to pretend to be dating for Eiko. I just worry that she doesn’t believe we’re together.”

“I mean, I think she’s convinced now,” Akira said, eying the condom still visibly sticking out of Makoto’s bag. Probably best not to draw Makoto’s attention to that. “But I do have an idea, if you’re up for it.”

“What is it?”

“Well, if Eiko thinks we might be making out in here,” Akira said casually, “a hickey would definitely confirm her suspicions.”

“What?” Makoto yelped. “I-I’m not going to let you give me a hickey!”

“I was thinking of you giving me one, actually. Eiko seemed worried that you weren’t more aggressive with me.”

“Well…” Makoto said hesitantly. “Wait. No! No, I’m not going to give you a hickey!” What would his teachers think if they saw it? What would Sae think?

“Fair enough,” Akira said agreeably. “We should probably just go.” As she turned to leave, Makoto grabbed her wrist.

“Wait a second.” Reaching out delicately, Makoto lightly ruffled her hair. “There. That should give Eiko something to think about,” she said with satisfaction.

“Good thinking,” Akira said, smiling up at her. “Now let’s go sing!”


	17. Chapter 17

When Ryuji opened her door, she wasn't expecting to find Haru sitting outside. Let alone wearing a pink cat sweater similar to his normal one. “Haru?”

“Hello,” Haru said cheerfully. “I hope I’m not intruding! May I come in?”

“Uh, sure?” Ryuji said, perplexed, letting Haru into Ann’s apartment. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing important! I was just nearby, so I thought I would say hello.”

“You were nearby?”

“Well, Makoto was, and I was in his bag. He was going to karaoke with Akira and Eiko, but I thought I would rather come see you instead. Since I can’t really sing like this.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, make yourself at home,” Ryuji said, gesturing vaguely towards the couch. Haru hopped up onto it. “You want anything? I think I’ve got stuff in the fridge.”

”Oh, that’s alright,” Haru said reassuringly. “I’m still full from this morning.”

“Yeah, what have you been eating? Like, normal food, or…”

“Well, sometimes. But this morning it was dry catfood.”

“And...you’re okay with that?”

“Sure! It doesn’t taste bad,” Haru said evenly. “I mean, I am a cat, after all.”

“I guess...” Ryuji said slowly. “So...Why are you wearing a sweater?”

“Oh, do you like it?” Haru asked eagerly, turning to show it off. “I bought it online! Isn’t it adorable?”

“Wait. How did you buy it?”

“On-online,” he repeated with more uncertainty. “I don’t think they’d let me purchase one in a store!”

“That’s not what I meant!” Ryuji said exasperatedly. “I mean, how’d you buy something online? You’re a cat!”

“Oh! I asked Mona-chan to buy me a bigger keyboard. Now I have one big enough for my paws to only hit one key at a time! It’s still pretty slow, but I can type properly.”

“Oh. Neat!” Ryuji said, scratching her head. “So...you bought yourself a cat sweater?”

Haru nodded eager. “Uh-huh! There’s a lot of cute stuff for cats I’ve been thinking of trying. Funny collars, and silly hats, and even colored covers I could put over my claws! Thinking about it all is really fun!”

“Jeez. I dunno how you can be so relaxed about this,” Ryuji said with a sigh, sitting down next to him. “If I was you, I’d be freaking out!”

“Really?” Haru asked curiously. “But being a cat is so much fun! It’s like everything is giant, but I’ve got superpowers! I can jump so far now!”

“I guess,” Ryuji said with a shrug. “I’m glad you don’t hate it, anyways.” She paused, before going on nervously. “Hey...you haven’t been getting...weird feelings. Right? Like when you look at other cats?”

“Weird feelings?” Haru asked, cocking his head.

“Yeah. Like...female cats,” Ryuji said worriedly. “Like...thinking they look good, or....”

Haru thought for a moment. “No, not really,” he said finally. “Oh! Are you afraid I might start liking cats?”

Ryuji grimaced. “Kinda. I mean, that’d be super weird. Right?”

Haru laughed. “Yes, I suppose it would! But don’t worry. I’m not attracted to cats or you.”

“That’s good,” she said with a sigh, before frowning. “Wait. What did you mean by ‘or you’?”

“Well, Mona-chan does have a crush on Ann,” Haru said absently, licking a paw. “So it shouldn’t be too odd if I started liking you, since you’re in her body.”

“Oh shit! I didn’t even think of that!” Ryuji said, horrified. “That’d be way more messed up!”

“But I don’t think you need to worry about that! I think that Morgana’s attraction to Ann is a mental thing, rather than a physical one.”

“Then...does that mean she's gonna start crushing on me?!” Ryuji said, alarmed. “Is she gonna start calling me Lady Ryuji?!”

“Well...I guess that’s possible. Or she might still be attracted to Ann, but in your body. So she might start being affectionate to him, using my body.” Haru paused. “Hmm. That’s...somewhat disturbing to think about, actually.”

“Ya think?!” Ryuji said frantically. “Oh shit! What if she seduces Ann? What if they hook up, using our bodies?! What if Ann knocks Morgana up? When we switch back, I’ll be responsible for our kid! I’m way too young to be a dad!”

“Don’t worry, Ryuji! That is very unlikely to happen,” Haru assured her.

Ryuji closed her eyes, and forced herself to take several deep breaths. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I’m totally freaking out for no reason! Sorry, Haru.”

“There is no need to worry,” Haru said earnestly. “Ann has already complained, many times, of your mother pressing condoms on him. So if Morgana and Ann do end up getting together in our bodies, I’m sure they will be safe about it.”

Ryuji’s eye twitched. “I’m gonna text them.”

* * *

Ann finally set down his pencil in frustration. It was no use! Math was just not cooperating with him right now. He needed to do something else, and come back to this homework when he was more relaxed. What was everyone else doing, anyways?

As if in response to his thoughts, his phone buzzed next to him. He picked it up, and was unsurprised to see a message from Ryuji. The two of them had always texted a lot, and that had not changed when they had swapped lives. In fact, they were texting now more than ever, everything from reminders about modeling jobs/times Ryuji’s mom was getting home, to stupid memes. It was kinda nice that something had remained constant, with everything else that had been flipped upside down.

_Is Morgana with you?_

_No? I’m just at home, working on homework. Why?_

_I need to ask you a favor._

_No, I will not do your English homework for you._

_That’s not what I was gonna ask! Has Morgana been acting weird around you?_

Ann thought for a moment. Seeing Morgana at school, just walking around like a normal person, had certainly been strange at first. But it wasn’t as though they were in the same class, or even the same year. He usually just ended up saying hi to her when they passed in the halls. _Not really. Why, is something up?_

_You gotta promise me something, man._

_Promise you what? Is something going on? Seriously, you’re freaking me out._

_You gotta remember that’s even though she looks like Haru, that’s still Morgana in there. So you guys hooking up would be totally weird._

Ann felt as though he’d been punched in the stomach. Hooking up with Morgana? _What the hell are you talking about?! Why would I do it with Morgana?_

_Because she’s in Haru’s body? I dunno, she’s cute!_

_Are you serious? You really think I would sleep with the first pretty girl I see, just because I’m in your body?_

_No, it’s not that! I just thought Morgana might’ve made a pass at you._

_Well, she hasn’t! What makes you think I’d be interested in a girl, anyways?_

_I mean, you’re a guy right now, so it’s not that crazy. Right?_

_Just because I’m in your body doesn’t mean I suddenly like girls! I mean, do you suddenly like guys now?_

Ann waited for a response impatiently. His phone showed Ryuji typing, and apparently deleting her message, several times. Wait. Did Ryuji…?

_Oh my god, you do! Ryuji has a crush on a guy!_

_What? No!_

_Who is it? Is it Makoto? Serious student council president Akira is kinda hot. It’s not Futaba-Yusuke, right? If you creep on Futaba, I’ll kick your ass._

_I don’t have a crush on either of ‘em!_

_Is it somebody at school? Do I know them?_

_I don’t have a crush on anybody!_

Ann sucked in a long breath. She really didn’t want to admit who it was, huh? Which meant that it was somebody really embarrassing. Wait. It couldn’t be…

_Oh my god. Are you...are you crushing on Haru? In Morgana’s body?_

_What!?_

_Is that why you wanted to know where Morgana was? And why you were being so weird about the idea of Morgana and I hooking up? You’ve got a crush on Morgana?_

_No! Dude, that is like, the grossest thing I’ve ever heard! I’m not a furry!_

_I’m not sure that’s even being a furry. I think that’s just bestiality._

_Whatever! I’m not attracted to freaking cats, okay? Jeez!_

_Then who is it?_

_No one! Just watch out for Morgana, okay? I’m gonna go watch a movie, and try and forget about all this shit._

Ann scowled down at his phone. Shoot. Ryuji was really being stubborn about this! She obviously didn’t want anybody finding out who her crush was. But he wouldn’t give up on this! He’d definitely figure out who Ryuji’s mystery crush was!


	18. Chapter 18

“Hey, Sis! Just finishing up,” Akira called out cheerfully, at the sound of a door opening. Sae had messaged her after school that she would be coming home for dinner, and Akira had headed straight there to begin preparing everything. Hopefully, Sae didn’t have some sort of deadly curry allergy. She couldn’t make much else.

“That...smells good,” Sae said with some surprise. “Let me just wash up.”

Akira nodded, as Sae headed for the bathroom. In a lot of ways, Sae’s almost total absence from the apartment had made her life a lot easier. Playing Makoto at school was stressful enough; having to do it at home as well would be overwhelming. Still, she was worried. Makoto thought the world of his sister, who didn’t seem to treat him very well. Even after joining the Phantom Thieves, Makoto obviously worried a lot about disappointing her. Akira wasn’t hopeful that she could fix the relationship between the sisters, but a good meal hopefully wouldn't make things worse.

Akira had just finished setting everything out when Sae returned. She tasted it hesitantly. “It’s delicious,” she concluded after a few moments. Akira smiled. Thanks, Sojiro! “When did you learn to make this?”

“Oh, I just picked it up,” Akira said modestly. “I thought I should add more dishes to my repertoire. After all, variety is important in a healthy diet.” Sae didn’t need to know that she’d been living off Big Bang burgers for almost four days now.

Sae took another bite, studying the curry with interest. “This reminds me of the curry they sell at a coffee shop I've been to,” she said placidly. “A place called Leblanc. Have you heard of it?”

Akira hesitated. Though Sae’s words were innocuous, there was...something lurking beneath them. She felt like she did in a Palace, when the danger level had inched upwards. Best to stick close to the truth for now. “Yes, I’ve been a few times. They have wonderful coffee there.”

“They do,” Sae agreed calmly. “I’ve met a boy your age who works there. I believe his name was Akira.”

“...Really?” Akira said after a moment, as casually as she could manage. Why was Sae bringing her up? “Oh, do you mean Akira Kurusu? He’s a Shujin student. A second year, I think.”

“Yes, he did mention that,” Sae said, taking a sip of water. “Do you know him well?”

“Oh, not particularly,” Akira said dismissively. “I’ve spoken with him a few times.”

Sae raised an eyebrow, and Akira felt as though she’d made a misstep. “So, you wouldn’t consider him a friend.”

“Well...no, I guess I wouldn’t,” Akira said guardedly. “There are some very unsavory rumors about him going around.”

“That he was convicted of assault, you mean?” Sae asked, leaning forward.

Akira managed to stop herself from stiffening. Yep, this was definitely an interrogation. “That’s one of them,” she said carefully. “Is it true?”

“It is,” Sae confirmed, gazing at her intently. “I confirmed that information for myself, in the course of an investigation. Akira Kurusu is on probation for assault. The owner of Leblanc, Sojiro Sakura, is his custodian.”

Akira nodded slowly. “I see. Well, I’ll be sure to keep my distance, then.” She took a bite of curry, eating in silence for a moment. Sae continued to stare at her, not even feigning interest in her own food.

“So…” Akira said uncomfortably. “How has work been? It seems like you’ve been swamped lately.”

“...I’ve been very busy,” Sae said finally. “I’ve been focused on wrapping up some of my old cases.”

“Oh?” she asked eagerly. Anything to change the subject. “Anything you can talk about?”

“Well…” Sae said pensively, leaning back in her chair. “As long as I don’t get into specifics, it should be alright. I actually had a meeting today, going over some video footage of a meeting between a minister and a woman who was not his wife.”

“I assume that’s not why he’s in trouble.”

“Of course not,” Sae said dismissively. “An affair is not grounds for a prosecution. Misusing government funds to hire a prostitute, however, is. This wasn’t the only time he’d been caught on-camera doing it, either. Only the most recent.”

“It sounds as though he should have been more careful,” Akira said, scooping up another spoonful of curry.

“What do you mean by that?” Sae asked inquisitively.

Akira shrugged. “Well, if he didn’t want to get caught, he should have made sure to meet somewhere he wouldn’t be seen. Or worn a disguise, or something.”

“What an interesting line of thought,” Sae said with a humorless smile. “I would have expected you to say that he shouldn’t have committed the crime in the first place. But instead, you came up with ways he might have gotten away with it.”

Akira shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Well...I guess that should go without saying. Are you trying to get at something, Sis? You’ve been acting odd all night.” Beating around the bush didn’t seem to be doing her any good. It just felt like she was giving Sae more rope to hang her with. Maybe a frontal assault would work better.

“You see, this politician and his partner ended up at a love hotel,” Sae said, her voice growing louder. “And as they were approaching the building, I couldn’t help but notice a large group of teenagers exiting at the same time. One of them looked like Akira Kurusu. Another looked a great deal like you. So tell me, Makoto. Just how well do you know this boy, again?”

Akira winced. Damn it, Morgana! She guessed that the hotel’s prized discretion mostly meant that the tabloids kept away, as opposed to law enforcement. “Okay, I have met Akira several times before,” she admitted. “But not for anything nefarious! It was just for student council business.”

“At a love hotel?” Sae asked angrily.

“...Yes,” Akira said confidently, thinking quickly. She had to gain the upper hand in this interrogation. Being evasive hadn’t worked, and neither had cutting straight to the chase. Time to try something bolder! “That is, I didn’t know it was a love hotel, at first. We were scouting possible locations for the Circus Club to meet after school.”

“The...Circus Club?” Sae asked with a frown. She seemed thrown by the sudden detour.

Akira took that as a good sign. “Yeah, it’s a club for enthusiasts of the circus arts,” she improvised. “There was a girl dressed like a clown, right?”

Sae nodded slowly.

“That’s one of the members! There’s a sword swallower, an acrobat, a guy who can do tricks with a whip...just a bunch of students who love the circus. It’s not an officially recognized club, though, so they can’t use any of the clubrooms.”

“Alright...What does this have to do with a love hotel?”

“I was the one who had to tell them that they couldn’t meet at school. I felt bad, so I was trying to help them find somewhere else they could practice. I met up with them several times to go check out possible locations. But always in a group! Never alone with any of them, including Akira. We left the hotel as soon as we realized what it was. It wasn't obvious from the outside.”

Sae studied Akira for a moment, before letting out a sigh. “You shouldn’t keep secrets from me, Makoto,” she said tiredly. “It makes me worry. The next time I ask you if you know someone, don’t dodge the question. Alright?”

“I understand,” Akira said, hanging her head and doing her best to look ashamed.

Sae returned her attention to her food, while Akira tried not to sag in relief. She’d managed to dodge a bullet that felt like a cannonball. If she was going to get busted for having sex with Makoto, she wanted to make sure she'd actually had sex. She was tired of getting convicted for crimes she hadn’t committed. Compared to that, telling everyone that they might need to pretend to be circus enthusiasts seemed to be getting off easy.


	19. Chapter 19

Makoto kicked open the door, before storming into the office. “Alright,” he said furiously. “Does someone want to tell me what the hell happened? Or do I need to knock a few of your heads together first?”

The garishly-dressed men around him shared uncomfortable glances. One cleared his throat nervously before speaking. “I swear, boss, this girl is something else! Three bags of cash she managed to get out of the warehouse, before any of the boys realized what was going on. If Jin hadn’t caught her while going out for a smoke-”

“Where were the guards?” Makoto interrupted impatiently. “There should have been three guys watching the entrance.”

“She knocked them all out! Tied ‘em up and left ‘em beside the dumpster.”

“Unbelievable,” Makoto said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re telling me that one girl managed to take out three of you goons, and nobody noticed anything? What kind of sorry excuse for yakuza are you?”

The man withered before his contemptuous tone. “We-we did get her, though!” he said quickly. “She’s tied up in the back, just like you said.”

“Which is why I’m not beating you all to a pulp right now,” Makoto growled. “If she’d actually made off with the money, we wouldn’t be having this little conversation.” He sighed. “I’m going to talk to her. You idiots stay out here, and try not to let any little old ladies steal anything.” With that, he headed through the door, to the backroom.

He found the girl sitting quietly, looking up at him with a slight smile. She didn’t seem very worried about being tied up. “Well, well,” she said conversationally. “The head of the Niijima Family himself. I’m honored.”

Makoto snorted. “Don’t be. Any family head worth their salt would want to deal with someone like you personally. You almost cost me 30 million yen.”

“Go big or go home,” the girl said with a shrug. “I don’t bother stealing chump change.”

“I take it this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this.”

The girl shook her head. “Nope. I’m a professional thief. Pretty good at what I do, too.”

“Not good enough, obviously,” Makoto pointed out.

The girl grinned. “Night‘s still young. I might get out of this yet.”

Makoto raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I mean, you haven’t killed me yet,” the girl pointed out. “So you probably want something from me. Maybe information, maybe my expertise. Either way, I’ve got something to bargain with.”

“Maybe I just want to hear your screams,” Makoto said, putting on his best bloodthirsty expression. 

The girl considered this for a moment. “No, I don’t think so,” she said finally, shaking her head. “You’re Makoto Niijima. You’re no sadist. Violent, sure, but only for good reason. You might beat up half a dozen guys by yourself for breaking the honor code, but torturing a girl for kicks? Not your style.”

“You seem awfully sure that you know me,” Makoto said coolly. “It could be dangerous, making assumptions like that.”

“Danger is part of the game,” the girl said, unconcerned. “I always profile people before I steal from them. You’re too rational to hurt a potential asset.”

“You haven’t shown yourself to be an asset yet.”

“Oh?” the girl said, tilting her head. “I found the warehouse you were doing business out of. I disabled three of your men without anyone noticing a thing. And I scored a meeting with the head of a yakuza family. I think that proves my skill is more than just talk.”

“Except for the part where you got caught.”

The girl nodded serenely. “Sure. Assuming that wasn’t part of my plan, anyways.”

“Get caught was part of your plan?” Makoto scoffed.

“It let me meet you, didn’t it?”

“And why would you want to meet me?”

The girl blushed slightly, averting her eyes. “Well. You are awfully handsome.”

“What?” Makoto asked, confused.

The girl sighed. “I’d heard plenty of rumors about Makoto Niijima, and his Fists of Fury. Strong, intelligent, and good-looking? I mean, that’s a heck of a package. And when I got a glimpse of you myself, well...I knew I had to arrange a meeting.”

“Hold on, please,” Makoto said, raising a hand. “Are you telling me that you robbed one of my warehouses and got caught on purpose...because you have a _crush_ on me?”

The girl groaned. “You make it sound so juvenile when you say it like that.”

“You must be out of your mind!”

“Why? Am I not your type?” she asked demurely, batting her eyelashes.

Makoto reddened slightly. “That’s-that’s not the point! What if one of my men had just iced you? What if they didn’t bother to call me?”

“I’d have knocked them out,” the girl said, shrugging.

“With your hands tied?” Makoto asked skeptically.

“What? Oh, right,” the girl said with a laugh, shifting in her seat slightly. The ropes fell away. “I could get out of knots like that when I was 12. Something to keep in mind, if you’re interested in that kind of thing,” she added with a wink.

Makoto tensed, eyes darting from the pile of ropes, to the girl who had stood up. “Who are you?” he asked finally.

“Akira Kurusu. Professional thief,” she said, stretching. Even as on-guard as he was, Makoto could help but appreciate the way her shirt rode up her stomach as she did. “Do you think you might find a place in your organization for me?”

“As what?”

Akira shrugged again. “Well, I’m hoping for ‘girlfriend’, but I’d settle for a burglary position.”

Makoto stared at her for a moment, before letting out a bark of laughter. “You really are crazy,” he said, relaxing. “Competent, but crazy.”

“I’m more than competent. I’m talented,” Akira said smugly. “Shall I show you?”

Makoto grinned. “Sure. Go ahead.” There was something strangely amusing about Akira. She seemed more like a stage magician then a thief. An impression strengthened by her next words.

“For my first trick, I will steal your wallet,” she said, holding up a finger.

“Good luck with that.”

Akira smiled, before pulling his wallet out of her jacket and flashing it at him. “For trick two-”

“What! Wait a second. How did you get that?” Makoto asked, bewildered. Patting his pockets, he found nothing but his keys.

“I’m a _professional_ thief,” Akira said, as if that explained everything. “For trick two, I will steal your shirt.”

“My shirt?” Makoto asked blankly, before feeling a cool breeze on his chest. He glanced down to confirm that he was indeed shirtless. When he saw that he was, he returned his gaze to Akira, who now appeared to be wearing his shirt. And nothing else. “How on earth-”

“For my third, and final trick,” Akira said firmly, taking a few steps forward. “I will steal your heart.”

Before Makoto could protest, she’d gotten close enough to pull him into a deep kiss. And once she was kissing him, Makoto found little reason to stop her.

“Makoto?” a voice called from behind him.

“Not now,” he muttered against Akira’s lips. Didn’t his men have anything better to do then bother him?

“Makoto, please. Your phone alarm is going off,” the voice insisted. 

Who cared about some stupid alarm? “I’m busy,” he said irritably, returning his attention to Akira.

Only to feel a sudden weight land on his chest. “Makoto!”

* * *

Makoto jerked upwards, sending Haru flying. He landed on the floor on all fours, looking none the worse for wear. “Thank goodness!” the cat said with relief. “Your alarm has been going off for a few minutes. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get you up!”

“What?” Makoto asked, disoriented, before reality slid back into place. Then he let out a low groan, burying his face in his hands

“Another dream?” Haru asked sympathetically.

“What is wrong with me?” Makoto complained. “This was the worst one yet!”

“Were you a yakuza in this one, too?”

Makoto sighed. “Yes.” He silenced his alarm, getting out of bed. “Thank you for waking me, Haru.”

“Oh, it was no trouble,” Haru said earnestly. “But what are you going to do about the dreams?”

“There’s nothing I _can_ do about them. Except ignore them.”

“But...don’t you think the dreams might go away if you kissed Akira for real?”

Makoto fumbled picking up her uniform shirt. “There’s-there’s no guarantee of that! And besides, I’m not going to kiss myself. That’s too strange!”

“Stranger then dreaming about doing it every night?” Haru asked skeptically.

“I-I don’t dream of it every night!” Makoto objected. “Besides, everyone knows that dreams are strange.”

Haru sighed. “Well, alright. But I think you’re making things more difficult than they need to be. I am sure that Akira would welcome a kiss from you.”

“I’m sure she would,” Makoto said irritably. “She’d probably try to convince me to go beyond kissing. Which is another reason not to do it! If I don’t draw a line in the sand here, we might end up…” he trailed off, unwilling to finish the thought.

“Would that be so bad?” Haru asked, tilting his head.

“Of course it would!” Makoto said exasperatedly. “I mean, would you want to have your first time like this?”

“Well, not as a cat,” Haru conceded. “That would be rather odd. But Akira is quite handsome. If I were in his body, I might be tempted.”

“Really?” Makoto asked skeptically.

“Maybe! I’m not really sure.”

“Well, I’m not interested in that kind of thing,” Makoto said firmly.

“Even though you hired that maid?”

“I-I told you that was a misunderstanding! I didn’t have sex with her!”

“But you thought she was sexy.”

“I-it’s just hormones! Because of this swap.” Makoto shook his head. “I don’t have time to talk about this. Are you coming to school today?”

“No, not today. I was planning to spend time with Yusuke,” Haru said, arching his back.

“Then I’ll see you tonight. Ask her to text me if you need anything,” Makoto said shortly, before leaving.

Haru sighed. Makoto was tightly-wounded at the best of times. Now, he seemed on the verge of snapping. If he didn’t manage to sort through his feelings for Akira, Haru wasn’t sure what he might do. Maybe a little bit of meddling was warranted.


	20. Chapter 20

“You really are quite handsome,” Yusuke said aloud.

Futaba looked up from his phone, clearly a bit startled. They were eating dinner together at the diner. “Uh-thanks? Wait, you’re just complimenting yourself! Thanks retracted!”

Yusuke shook her head. “I am not simply referring to your physical features. Your expressions, your body language...even the way you breathe differs from my ordinary self. The result is a man that is superficially me, but also undoubtedly you. A curious fusion of two individuals, to form a new entity entirely. One who is quite compelling.”

Futaba rolled his eyes, though he did seem a little pleased. “Well, don’t forget it’s me, alright? Futaba! Not some new mystery man.”

“I could never forget that you are you,” Yusuke said placidly. “After all, your personality is one of the things that I enjoy most about you. No matter what body you possess.”

“...Are you flirting with me?” Futaba asked suspiciously. “It sounds like you’re flirting.

Yusuke frowned. “It wasn't my intention to flirt. At least, not consciously. I was merely remarking upon my fascination with seeing a person who seemed to possess traits inherited from the both of us. The only comparable experience might be to seeing a child, who took after us both strongly. I would be quite interested to see such a child as well.”

Futaba almost dropped his phone. “Okay, that’s not even flirting! That’s just straight up solicitation!” he said angrily. “Keep it in your pants, Inari!”

Yusuke cocked her head. What about her explanation had bothered Futaba? “I am not saying the experiences would be exactly the same,” she said uncertainly. “For one, I find you quite attractive. Something I am certain would not be the case for my child.”

“Inari!” Futaba growled. “Girl or not, I’m gonna slap you if you keep this up. We’re in public!” He had, Yusuke noted, grown quite red. An interesting shade, as well. She’d not often seen herself blush before.

“You would prefer that we keep discussions about a potential child of ours to private conversations?”

“No, I would prefer that we didn’t talk about it at all!” Futaba said irritably. “I mean, how would that even happen?”

Yusuke blinked. Surely, Sojiro had explained to Futaba how children were conceived at some point? Could such a significant gap in the hacker’s knowledge of the world exist? “Well, children commonly result from lovemaking. In our current circumstances, you would be the father, and I, the mother. By penetrating-”

Futaba practically lunged across the table to cover Yusuke’s mouth with both his hands. “You idiot!” he hissed. “I know where babies come from! I just meant why would we ever have a kid?”

Yusuke waited until Futaba removed his hands. “Are you opposed to the idea of having children?”

“Uh, I dunno,” Futaba said uncomfortably. “I haven’t really thought about it. But even if I did have a kid, why would I have them with you?”

“Why wouldn’t you have them with me?”

“Because you’re a broke weirdo?” Futaba said, gesturing toward her. “I mean, c’mon. I could do way better than you!”

Yusuke considered this for a moment. “I suppose that is true,” she said eventually. “Particularly with my body. I have often been approached by women who wished to spend time with me. I have no doubt that, between your interesting personality and my looks, you would have no trouble attracting any number of partners to your side willing to bear your offspring.”

“That’s-gah! Weird, Inari! Super weird!” Futaba complained. “I’m not talking about building some kind of messed-up harem with your body! I don’t need that kind of drama.”

Yusuke nodded amicably. “You would probably prefer one partner, who would provide you with sufficient privacy. Someone with interests of their own, who would not be offended by you indulging in yours.”

“Exactly,” Futaba said, settling back in his booth. “Somebody who I can talk to, but also just sit quietly with without it being all awkward.”

Yusuke nodded in agreement, before returning her attention to her meal. They ate in silence for a few moments, before Futaba frowned. “Wait…”

“Yes?” Yusuke asked curiously. 

“...Were you hinting at something?”

“...No? What would I be hinting about?”

“You were hinting that you would be a good partner for me!” Futaba said, pointing at her. “No, not hinting! You basically just straight up said it!”

Yusuke sighed. “I was not intentionally implying any such thing, though I do believe that I would be. However, you have made it clear that you wish to think on the matter of whether or not we are dating. I have no desire to rush you into making a decision.”

“Then what was all that talk about us having a kid?!”

“Purely an exercise of the imagination. If it truly upsets you, I shall speak of it no more.”

Futaba sighed, before taking a long sip from his drink. “You can be a real pain, Inari,” he said finally. “But...I guess I might like that. Gah, this sucks!”

“What is the matter?”

“I’ve got great taste in everything else! Anime, movies, games; the stuff I like is the best! So why does my taste in guys have to be so lame?”

Yusuke blinked. “There is a man you desire?”

Futaba covered his eyes with his hand. “Inari…I’m talking about you!”

“Oh! Pardon my confusion. I am not, in fact, ‘a guy’ at the moment,” Yusuke said with a smile. “Then...may I take this to mean you have come to a decision?”

“Ugh...I guess,” Futaba groaned. “Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll be your stupid girlfriend.”

“Boyfriend,” Yusuke corrected absently. “That is excellent news! Shall we purchase a dessert to celebrate?”

“By ‘we’, I’m assuming you mean me?” Futaba asked skeptically.

Yusuke shook her head. “Not at all! I made a little extra money at my side job yesterday. This seems a worthy use for it.”

Futaba frowned. “How the heck do you make extra money as a clown?’

“One of the members of the volleyball team gave it to me, after I made him a balloon animal. He seemed quite excited watching me blow it up.”

“...I don’t know what I expected,” Futaba said with a sigh. “If we’re gonna date, could you please keep the catering to other people’s fetishes to a minimum? Especially while you're in my body?”

“I will do my best.”


	21. Chapter 21

“Do you mind spotting for me?” Makoto asked, wiping down the weight bench with a towel.

“Sure, no problem!” Ryuji said cheerfully, stepping off the treadmill. “Need to take a break anyways. Ann’s got like, no stamina.”

“Thanks,” Makoto said, smiling slightly as he laid down. When Ryuji had suggested that the two of them begin working out together, Makoto had been unsure whether it was a good idea. He’d had a membership to a more upscale gym then Protein Lovers, which he had used regularly before the switch. The difference in the quality and variety of the equipment was obvious, and he couldn’t hire a personal trainer. But Ryuji had turned out to be an excellent workout partner. “Akira’s actually quite strong,” he noted. “I suppose I’m lucky, in that respect. Though I do wish his diet was better.”

“I mean, we’ve all got it difficult somehow,” Ryuji said uncomfortably, as Makoto began his set. “Like, I knew Ann got hit on a lot, but man. Dudes are coming up to me all the time! Honestly, you’re doing me a big favor just coming to work out with me. A lot of guys back off if I’m with a dude.”

“Welcome to being a woman,” Makoto said, grunting a bit as he lifted the bar. “Though I do imagine Ann gets a lot more attention then I normally do. It’s been rather strange not receiving such advances, honestly.”

“Really? You don’t got girls throwing themselves at you?” Ryuji asked. “I thought I saw you talking to that red-headed chick in the halls the other day...the gymnast...Kazuko?”

“Kasumi,” Makoto corrected her. “She was just saying hello, and asking where Morgana was. Haru hadn’t come that day.”

“And you’re sure she wasn’t hitting on you?” Ryuji asked skeptically. “I mean, she seemed to be blushing a lot.”

“I doubt it,” Makoto asked, shaking his head. “She was perfectly pleasant, but we only spoke briefly. She excused herself to go train after I told her I was heading home to take a bath.”

“...Don’t you think that’s why she left? Cause she got embarrassed thinking about you in the bath?”

Makoto held the weight motionless for a minute, before sighing and racking it. “You may be right. Why didn’t that occur to me?!”

“I mean, it’s only natural,” Ryuji said reassuringly. “Like, if some dude I kinda knew asked if I wanted to go to a bathhouse with him, I might say yes without thinking about how I’m a girl now. Stuff like that’s not a big deal when you’re a guy talking to a guy. Isn’t it that way with girls?”

“I suppose,” Makoto said uncertainly. “You...haven’t done that. Right?”

“What! No!” Ryuji exclaimed, indignantly. “I mean, I kinda went on one, accidental date. But it was just to the diner! And I ditched halfway through!”

“You went on a date in Ann’s body?” Makoto asked critically, sitting up.

“An accidental date! Didn’t you sleep with a maid in Akira's body?”

“I did not!” Makoto said hotly. “She just gave me a sponge bath. There was nothing sexual about it!”

“Really? No weird feelings at all?”

Makoto hesitated before answering, which was enough for Ryuji to leap on. “I knew it!” she crowed. “You totally had the hots for that maid!”

“No I didn’t!”

“Hey, there's no reason to be ashamed! Most guys like maids!”

“Skull,” Makoto growled in his Queen voice. Ryuji instantly stopped grinning. “Drop it.”

“O-okay. Got it,” Ryuji said weakly. Makoto got up and Ryuji took his place on the bench. They worked out in silence for several minutes.

“...Have you had feelings like that?” Makoto asked after a bit.

“Like what?”

“Feelings...about guys, I mean.”

Ryuji fumbled the weight. Makoto was there instantly to catch it, and help her rack it safely. “Jeez, don’t surprise me with shit like that,” Ryuji complained, breathing heavily. “I could’ve died!”

“Sorry,” Makoto said apologetically. “That probably wasn’t the right time.”

Ryuji shook her head, sitting up. “Nah, it’s cool. I mean, I kinda did that to you too.” She took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly. “Uh...I actually kinda need somebody to talk about this shit with. Somebody who can keep it a secret. And Akira and Haru are way too on-board with all this for me to talk to them.”

“I know what you mean,” Makoto said with a grimace. “I promise, I won’t mention this to anyone else.”

“Cool.” Ryuji took another deep breath. “I’m-I’m kinda really into Ann,” she blurted out. “In my body. Like, a lot?! I know it’s super-weird, but seeing him be all...Ann-ish but as a guy makes me feel...all...gah!” She buried her face in her hands. “Man, I dunno! And we hang out like, all the freaking time, too! I keep thinking he’s planning to make a move every time he reaches out to fix my hair or whatever, and I can’t figure out if I’m terrified or excited!”

Makoto nodded sympathetically. “I know what you mean. It’s strange, that we should be attracted to ourselves, isn’t it?” He hesitated, before going on. “Actually...I’m in a similar situation. Akira...in my body...I can’t get her out of my head. I keep having the strangest dreams about her…”

“Man, you’ve been getting dreams too?!” Ryuji said eagerly. “That’s actually really good to hear! I keep having this one where I’m in the shower with Ann, and he’s got his hands all over me! He presses me up against the wall-”

“Not-not sex dreams!” Makoto interrupted her, flushing red. “Just-just kissing. Kissing in strange situations.”

“...Oh,” Ryuji said, going very red herself. “Uh. Well, shit.”

Makoto sighed. “Akira knows about my dreams. So does Haru. Haru keeps trying to get me to-to do something about it, but-I mean, it’s all too strange! Isn’t it?”

“Totally!” Ryuji agreed. “Futaba guessed I’m crushing on Ann, and bet that I would end up doing it with a guy.”

“Of course he did,” Makoto said, rolling his eyes. “Does Ann know about this?”

“He figured out that I’ve got a crush on a dude, but I don’t think he knows it’s him.”

Makoto shook his head. “Is it odd that I’m more disturbed about the idea of kissing myself then the idea of kissing a girl at all? I don’t recall ever being attracted to a girl before.”

“Nah, I don’t think it’s that weird,” Ryuji said thoughtfully. “I think pretty much everybody likes guys and girls some amount. It’s like that thing everybody’s on. The...Kaniza Scale.”

“I think you mean the Kinsey Scale,” Makoto corrected her. “And I suppose you’re right. Changing bodies probably heighted desires we already had, rather than creating them out of nowhere. I just wish I could direct them at a girl that isn’t me.”

“...Uh. I’m-I’m not really down with that,” Ryuji said nervously. 

Makoto frowned. “Down with what?”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong! You’re a good-looking dude, but-”

“Wha-No!” Makoto sputtered. “No, I wasn’t suggesting that we-I wasn't hitting on you! I just meant that having a crush on some random girl would be less strange then on myself.”

“Like Morgana?”

“No!” Makoto said exasperatedly. “Like, a celebrity, or some random girl at school. I mean, wouldn't you rather be attracted to some T.V. star then your own body?”

“What, like Akechi?” Ryuji scoffed. “No way! If I had to have a crush on any dude, I’m glad it’s myself! I mean, what if these feelings don’t go away when we switch back?”

“...I suppose that makes sense,” Makoto acknowledged with a sigh. “I think we’ve hogged the weight equipment long enough. Back to the treadmill?”

* * *

Ann sighed, adjusting his bag. Math was still kicking his butt, badly. Why couldn’t he have switched with Yusuke or Futaba? They didn't have to deal with this stuff. Hopefully, Makoto would be able to help him puzzle out this homework.

He was reaching for Leblanc’s door when he heard his own voice inside. It was still so odd to hear Ryuji speak as him. “Man, I’m beat! Ann’s body may be nice, but she’s gotta build up more stamina.”

“Practice is the best solution for that,” Makoto responded. “I’ll be happy to help you with that anytime.”

Ann frowned. Stamina? Practice? What were they talking about?

“Seriously, thanks for being my partner,” Ryuji said sincerely. “It’s nice to have someone to do this stuff with.”

“I feel the same way,” Makoto replied warmly. “Usually, I have to do it by myself, or hire someone to help me. But honestly, doing it with you was much more satisfying.”

Partner? Doing it by himself? What? Wait...they hadn’t....

“Yeah, it’s always better doing it with somebody else,” Ryuji said happily. “Especially as a girl! I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing half the time.”

“You seemed fine to me. It’s not as though it’s completely different doing it as a guy or a girl.”

Oh my god, they had! Ann hurried away from the coffee shop, before he got caught eavesdropping. Ryuji and Makoto had slept together! In his and Akira’s bodies! Did that mean...Makoto was Ryuji’s secret crush? He must be!

Oh god. Had...had they used protection? What was he thinking, of course they had! Ryuji’s mom had drilled safe sex into her and Makoto was far too responsible to not use a condom. But still! Why hadn’t they asked for permission first?! Ryuji couldn’t just do whatever she wanted with his body! And right after bugging him about Morgana too!

Well, two could play at that game! Ann pulled out his phone, and sent a quick message to meet up to Akira and Morgana. If Ryuji thought she could fool around in his body, then there was no reason he couldn't do the same!


	22. Chapter 22

Ann was pacing outside the love hotel by the time Morgana and Akira arrived. “Sorry I’m late,” Morgana said, huffing a bit. “I was shopping for new clothes with Haru.”

“Oh, hey Haru,” Ann said, distracted. “Sorry. I’d have messaged you too, but-”

“It’s quite alright!” Haru assured him, sticking his head out of the bag on Morgana’s shoulder. “I know it’s much harder to contact me now that I’m a cat.”

“But this definitely has to do with you too,” Ann said, glancing around. “Let’s go inside; I’ll cover the bill.”

“Um, this place is pretty pricey,” Akira said uncomfortably. “Are you sure yours or Ryuji’s account can handle it?”

“Ryuji can cover it,” Ann growled. “C’mon.” He stormed toward the doors, with Akira and Morgana trailing behind.

“Okay,” Akira said, once they’d settled into a room. “What’s this all about? Why couldn’t we meet at Leblanc?”

Ann took a deep breath. “Ryuji and Makoto had sex,” he blured out. “With our bodies!”

“What!” Morgan yelped.

“Excuse me?!” Haru exclaimed.

“Really?” Akira asked, intrigued.

“I heard them talking about it inside Leblanc,” Ann moaned. “I can’t believe they would do something like this!”

“Oh my!” Haru said, concerned. “And Ryuji seemed so concerned about the idea of you doing it with Morgana! I suppose Makoto must have seduced her.”

“You think Makoto was the instigator here?” Akira asked skeptically.

“Well, he has more experience,” Haru pointed out. “Makoto was bold enough to hire a woman to sleep with him. And...I do not wish to be rude, but it is difficult to imagine Ryuji seducing anyone.”

“Yeah. That monkey couldn’t seduce anybody,” Morgana agreed. “Even with Lady Ann’s body, she’s as crude as ever.”

“Oh, come on,” Akira argued. “I’m sure Ryuji’s got moves! Just because we’ve never seen them, doesn’t mean she hasn’t got them!”

“Well...perhaps,” Haru said skeptically. “But...I still think that it is more likely that Makoto is the instigator. He’s been looking for an outlet for certain...feelings.”

“That’s not what’s important!” Ann said irritably. “What are we going to do about this?”

“I mean...do we really need to do anything?” Akira asked, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t mind Makoto using my body like that. I’d rather he was getting laid then getting food poisoning, or breaking my ankle.”

“Well, I do mind!” Ann said angrily. “And I think we should get revenge!”

“...What kind of revenge?” Akira asked cautiously.

Ann smiled viciously. “We should convince them that the three of us did it!” he said, pointing to Akira and Morgana.

“What?” Morgana yelped.

“Pardon?” Haru asked, equally alarmed.

Akira rubbed her chin. “What did you have in mind?”

“Some nude photos,” Ann said, pulling out his phone. “We could take them right here, on the bed! I was thinking I could get a shot with one arm around each of you, maybe with your heads on my chest? We wouldn’t even have to take our pants off. Just everything above the waist.”

“N-n-n-nude photos?” Morgana stammered. “W-w-with you?”

“Only if you’re okay with it, Haru,” Ann added. “I’d totally understand if you're not comfortable with your body being used for something like this.”

“Oh! Um,” Haru looked from Ann, to Morgana, who appeared to be on the verge of fainting. “I don’t really mind, as long as the photos aren’t posted online or something.”

“Wait, hang on!” Akira interrupted, raising a hand. “I don’t think this is a good idea. Makoto’s sister is already suspicious of what I’ve been up to. In fact, she apparently got a picture of all of us leaving this hotel.”

“Wait, what?”

“Also, if anyone asks, we’re all circus otaku.”

“What?!”

“And besides that, I’m not mad at Makoto! I mean, I basically encouraged him to experiment. And if he wanted his first time to be with a girl who wasn’t himself, well...I can understand that.” Akira shrugged. “So, I don’t really want to be a part of any vengeance plot. Sorry, Ann.”

Ann sighed. “I understand. What about you, Morgana?”

“Me?” Morgana said helplessly.

“Ryuji seemed especially bothered at the idea that we might do something together. Are you willing to help me get back at her?”

“I-um,” Morgana swallowed, looking back at Haru. Haru nodded encouragingly. “Well...as long as Haru is alright with it, I...I’ll do it.”

“Great!” Ann said cheerfully, pulling off his shirt. “This should teach Ryuji a lesson!” He tossed it aside, before turning back to see the three staring at him intently. “Uh, guys?”

“Man, Ryuji’s got nice abs,” Akira said dreamily. Haru hummed in agreement.

“I-I mean, they’re alright,” Morgana said unconvincingly, biting her bottom lip. A blush had begun creeping up her face. “It’s-it’s probably just Lady Ann’s charm shining through.”

“C-c’mon,” Ann said, a little shyly. “They’re not that impressive.”

Haru shook his head. “Ryuji’s is quite physically fit! Surely you must agree?”

“Uh, I guess,” Ann said uncomfortably.

“Why don’t you touch them, Morgana?” Akira said, grinning slightly.

“T-touch them?” Morgana asked haltingly.

“Sure! After all, you’re going to be curled up against Ann soon.”

“That’s right,” Haru agreed. “Go ahead and touch them.”

Morgana took a breath. “Um…alright,” she said hesitantly. Slowly, she reached out to run her hand along Ann’s stomach.

Ann giggled. “Stop! That tickles,” he said, smiling. 

Morgana withdrew her hand as if burned. “I-I don’t think I can do this!” she blurted out, her face very red. “I’m very sorry, Lady Ann! It’s just-I feel-gah!” She covered her face. “I can’t feel like this!” she moaned. “Not towards that idiot!”

“Wait a minute…” Ann said incredulously. “Morgana, are you...attracted to me?”

“No!” Morgana said heatedly. “I mean, yes! But, not like this! I shouldn’t be-not to that blonde monkey!”

“It’s fine, Morgana,” Akira said reassuringly, patting her on the shoulder. “Everyone thinks Ryuji’s hot. Even when I was a guy, I knew how hot he was.”

“I think most of us are at least a little attracted to him. Physically, at least,” Haru added. “Everyone here is.”

“Hang on,” Ann said weakly. “I-I never said I thought he was hot!”

Akira and Haru looked at Ann skeptically.

“I didn’t!” Ann insisted. “I mean, so he’s in shape! Big deal!”

“So, you’ve never been showering as Ryuji and thought, ‘Man, I’m pretty?’” Akira asked.

“No!” Ann said indignantly. “The only time I thought that was when Ryuji and I-” He covered his mouth abruptly.

Akira grinned. “Oh? Did you two-”

“No! It’s-it’s not like that!” Ann spluttered. “We just-I needed to make sure she showered properly!’

“You-you showered with Ryuji?” Morgana asked, dumbfounded.

“Just once!” Ann said desperately. “And I wasn’t even thinking about this stupid body! I was looking at my own body!”

“So, you were thinking about how good-looking your body looked. Right?” Akira said, grinning widely. Not for the first time, Ann thought how odd the expression looked on Makoto’s face.

“What’s wrong with that? I’m a model! I know I look good!”

“But do you think Ryuji looks good as you?” Akira asked slyly.

“I-uh,” Ann stumbled over her words. “That’s-No!”

“Are you, perhaps, jealous of Makoto?” Haru asked curiously. “Do you wish that Ryuji would have come to you if she wished to experiment?”

“No!” Ann insisted. “I don’t-I don’t want that!” He shook his head. “Whatever! Fine, getting revenge is a bad idea. Let’s just go home.”

“Wait a second,” Akira said, holding up a hand. “There is another way you could get back at Ryuji, without involving the rest of us.”

Ann frowned. “How?”

“Why, you could show her what she’s missing,” she said, pulling out her phone.

“What?”

“You’re a model, aren’t you?” Akira said with a sharp grin. “How about a photoshoot?”


End file.
